French Kiss in Paris

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

I thought I'll enjoy my day because of the launch of my first-magazine pero mabilis ding bumaliktad ang lahat. I was mortified. Pwedeng-pwede na nga akong magpalamo sa lupa just because of it. 

Minetta told me not to check my social media accounts. Pero nanaig pa rin ang sarili ko at tiningnan ko pa rin. Mabilis ko ring in-exit. Para akong binalatan ng buhay. They are so mean and harsh. They are judging me based on the videos and pictures circulating online. Wala silang preno. They stated their opinion dahil sa tingin nila magkakaroon iyon ng difference. Nakakasakit lang sila ng damdamin and a lot of them don't even really care for my goddamn feelings.

After all, Cashel and I are just skits for shit show.

During my afternoon class where Adie's sitting in, I felt horrified. Alam kong bata pa lamang siya at walang alam sa bagay na 'yon. Sana rin ay hindi sabihin ni Cashel ang tungkol do'n. It was a mistake. It shouldn't even happen in the first place.

At ngayon, pinagsisisihan ko na talaga kung bakit hindi ako nakinig kay Cashel no'ng gabing iyon. Akala ko kasi nagseselos lang siya. Akala ko ayaw niya lang ako makitang nakikipag-usap sa iba dahil may agreement kami but he's already telling me to stay away. I kept my ears close and I became one of the biggest scandals here in Paris. Pakshet lang.

Hindi ako makampante but I'm trying my best to teach the students. Kailangan nilang matuto kaysa naman unahin ko ang sarili kong kapakanan. Hindi na nga ako pumasok kahapon, iiwanan ko pa ba ang mga estudyante?

Ang wish ko lang ngayon ay hindi ako ma-deport pabalik sa Pinas. Though wala naman akong nilabag na batas pero ayon sa contract ko with my agency, I can't stay in Paris when my job became a problem for me. Hindi nila ako suportado do'n. It's already out of their hands.

I need to have this job so I can stay in Paris.

And in the middle of my discussion of translating French fruits and vegetables to English, I was excused when Minetta came and announced that my presence is in need in the Principal's office. Minetta stayed in the room then she continues my discussion in her own way. And I made my way to the office, already have the feeling of getting fired. It's like a stab in the stomach. I feel so worse right now. I feel so nauseous.

Parang gustong umurong ng mga paa ko. Gusto kong umuwi—pero hindi ng Pilipinas. Gusto kong magkulong sa apartment ko. Gusto kong itago ang sarili ko sa kahihiyan. 

It was as if kissing someone became a big deal for everyone, especially the French people. They do know how it is done pero bakit parang ako pa ang mali? Why does it have to be me? Bakit mas natutuon sa akin ang mas masasakit na salita?

Is it because I was the one who kissed Chevy? And we're both a public figure that's why it became a big of a deal? Hindi ko naman ginusto 'to. This wasn't on the plan when I came into Paris. Sabi ko magbabagong buhay ako at iiwanan ko na ang acting career ko.

My acting career in the Philippines is a total disaster and in Paris, it destroyed me again. To think that it's my dream job but it became my worst nightmare. And I can't wait to wake up from it.

When I'm finally standing behind the office door, humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at tinatagan ko na lamang ang sarili. I know I will lose something because of this situation. It was abrupt and challenging, I just hope I won't fall on a serious matter 'cause I feel like failing has always been my destiny. My end game.

Nang makapasok ako sa loob, the lady principal invited me to seat with her. I properly seated while trying not to be so anxious about it. Kabago-bago ko pa lang. Wala pa halos isang buwan. Na-report na agad ako sa office. I know I had a fault and I wish I could've changed it for the better but it's already been done.