Be Careful What You Wish For

Intermission 2

Dr. Kyuusai observed him with something of an expectant gleam. Poorly veiled intrigue danced across her retinas and she looked almost antsy as she fiddled with the pen in her hand, occasionally tapping it against her pastel colored notebook. She didn't look... impatient, per say. But it was starting to get on his nerves. So, once Izuku finally grew exasperated attempting to figure out what had her so preoccupied, he bit out a, "What?"

He cringed as soon as the word left his mouth, holding too much venom than what was strictly necessary—or deserved. For her part, Dr. Kyuusai did not look offended by it. She just blinked, tilting her head to the side almost microscopically.

"Pardon?" she quizzed, caught off guard by the sudden inquiry. Izuku quickly shook of his guilt before elaborating.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "You look like you want to say something but are holding yourself back, for whatever reason."

The woman was quiet for a moment, likely mulling over her options. Eyes slid shut in momentary respite and the eventual sigh leaving her lips signaled that she had reached a conclusion. "Was it that obvious?" her eyes opened once more, and she smiled at him apologetically. "Hm... I didn't want to force the issue in case you brought it up yourself, curious as I may be. Still, since I did such a bad job of hiding it, I ought to be honest with you." She adjusted in her seat. "I saw the news report on you."

"...oh."

She gave him another apologetic expression. "I'm not going to force you to talk about it... but I just wanted to say. I was very impressed."

Izuku frowned. "Impressed...?"

"Yes. Very much so," she smiled again, but this one was more genuine, reaching all the way to the corners of her eyes. "You captured a notorious villain all on your own. I'd say that is quite the impressive feat, no?"

The boy avoided her eyes, opting to study the patterns of dust on the floor instead. He bit down into the flesh of his lips, before quietly muttering. "It's not like it mattered in the end. He managed to escape police custody shortly afterwards."

"True as that may be, it was through no fault of your own. Right?" she raised long manicured fingers to tap the underside of her chin lightly. "Do you blame yourself for his escape?"

"People died," he ground out. His anger was misplaced he knew, but it was just so... hard, nowadays, to know where he was supposed to aim all the bottled fury that lived inside of him. Whenever he managed to expel some of it, there would always be a new situation to throw fuel into the fire.

People had died and he was the one who allowed Shigaraki that chance to begin with. Of course he blamed himself.

"If I had just let him get away, those people could still be alive!"

"Or maybe even more people would have ended up hurt," she spoke, tone just as blunt as if she told him the sky was blue, or that one plus one equals two. It was hard to not take it to heart. "We can't always predict what consequences our actions will have, and blaming ourselves when things go wrong won't solve anything. If you want to blame someone, then blame the man responsible for killing those people. Don't blame yourself because you couldn't predict the future."

Izuku was silent. Then, hardly even a whisper, "I do blame him... but..."

But... I still feel responsible.

Even when I know it's stupid, it doesn't change anything.

Dr. Kyuusai shook her head. "I guess it's an obvious thing to say, but we can't change the past. We can only move forward."

Before he could stop himself, a sharp giggle escaped him. It was half desperation, half genuine amusement. He slapped a hand over his mouth as blood rushed to his cheeks, his freckles turning an even darker shade of brown in embarrassment.

"I don't think that's the best advice to give me."

His therapist looked confused for a second. Then, realization dawned in her eyes. "Right," she clipped. "Your quirk." She furrowed her brows. "What did you... when you found out that the villain escaped, what was the first thing you did?"

"Killed myself," he shrugged, just as casual as if talking about the weather. "I had hoped that I could return far enough back in time so that I could stop Shigaraki from getting away—or at least, prevent anyone from getting hurt. It didn't work."

"Why not?"

"Not enough time." He stared up the ceiling. Ironic. Izuku probably had more time than anyone else on this earth, yet it still wasn't enough. His knuckles turned ivory. "By the point I returned, I... it was already too late. There was nothing I could do. It... it really made me think..." he lowered his eyes, now staring directly into Dr. Kyuusai's own. There were so many feelings that he couldn't put into words, that he could only convey by tearing down the facade and allowing the woman to take a glimpse inside. "Am I growing too used to my quirk?"

She hummed. "What do you mean?"

Izuku let his fingers relax. Like he was holding an imaginary stress ball, he clenched them again, then released, and then repeated the process several times over. It was one of several quirks for when he had too many emotions than he knew how to deal with. He just needed to do... something.

"This is the first time I couldn't go back to fix stuff," he confessed. "I was sorta growing used to my death being used to fix all my problems. I thought—so long I made sure everyone was okay, dying wasn't so bad, you know? It wasn't good, but maybe... I could be content with it," he shook his head, green curls falling like waves. "But now, when even dying doesn't help... I don't know what I should do. And, I was even starting to feel..."

Invincible? Arrogant?

He left the thought unfinished.

Dr. Kyuusai stared at him for a moment. Maybe waiting in case he had anything more to say. When nothing came, she leaned back in her seat. Then, as she continued to look at him, her eyes softened. She left out a soft sigh, the noise small yet somehow filled with... an understanding.

"Do you ever think you put too much responsibility on yourself?"

Izuku blinked, startled at the sudden turn in conversation. "...huh?"

"You have an amazing power, Midoriya," the woman said, looking at him meaningfully. "Because of this, you think you alone carry the burden of keeping everyone around you safe, no matter your own cost in doing so."

"I—"

"Or am I wrong?"

Izuku pressed his lips together, forming a paper thin line. "...no. But—"

"You should relax sometimes, Midoriya," she nodded at him, giving him a secretive smile. "I know, that might be easy for me to say, but... you're not the only hero out there."

He looked at her in disbelief. "I'm not a hero."

"Really?" Dr. Kyuusai tapped her pen against her chin. "I think the people around you have a different opinion on the matter."