ECHOES OF THE WIND : Jacob & Renesmee

EPILOGUE : MASK OF CONTENTMENT

JACOB

Can you feel it?

The empty air filling your lungs?

Your eyesight going blurry and you are desperate arms failing to clutch something to save you from this horrible fate?

This week....

Huh! All around me went dark.

The wind of rejection hit my ground hard, blowing my mind away. And each time I try to focus, it all starts again. I start to go numb, crashing around with surface and I start to lose myself.

My eyes kept close; images of my dreadful life radiant in my eyelids and now when I recall those past little happy memories with her, the winds of rejection slaps me on my face. I can feel the darkness surrounding me in a cold embrace and a rush of fear...fear of losing her shoots in my body. My mind yearns for the light she brings to me: the light of hope, the light of love, the light of forgiveness and the light of destiny. But...there's none to be seen.

But now, I found a way....

I found a way to not fight it any longer; for it's easy to be in this darkness than to live my dreadful life. I will let those winds take me away and keep me.

And here it is.

I can hear it clearly, just a few seconds away from the darkness....just few seconds away, so that I can cheat this pain.

I ran up to the highways as the engine roared loudly, reaching up and bolting down the rocks and twigs.

And here I am.

Screeeccchhh.......

Ooooooooowhooo!

The skid breaks hurt my ears as I was pushed against the force. And here I get freed from...the wants and needs to shred myself, and the lurking around nausea.

Here it goes...the unconsciousness penetrating in, the blurring of visions and thoughts, that ache that rose within me. I know it. Just two seconds more to reach the state of critically faint, when all of it will shut off.

What if I lost my eyesight? Would I not see the same darkness?

If I lost everyone near, would they still recognise me?

How will it feel when all of your senses would finally ceased to work? .......Atleast for me, it feels relieved.

And for what it shouldn't? .......To be reminded that I cared for her?! That I would have died for her?! That I would have ran to the edges of the universe to bring her back?! To be reminded that each time I look at her and I think 'I love you', that now...now it will never happen

And I am unsure of deciding which is worse : the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will?!

It hurts a lot...much more than you could ever imagine. When you breathe and realise you are still alive even if you don't want to.

'Suffering!' That's how I would describe it.

Although I believe it's much more than just 'suffering'. It is an abundance of shattered bones, burning flesh and cracked skull. In other words, a painful pain.

...I can feel it, how slowly and gradually I was pulled back to reality. The heavy air seemed agonizing to take in as the time come up close to come back to the world.

Medication. Huh! It heals you.

But to come so close to love and then lose it so violently is something no medication can heal. I held that girl on the day she came into this world. A gift from the God above, who bounded her with me. A new angel on the earth.