Learning Purpose [Unus Annus Fanfiction]

Part 4- Regret and Consequence

(Pic Credit: https://miniatureinternetsalad.tumblr.com/post/189155678706/unus-annus-memento-mori-just-some-fanart-i)

(Hello again! So nice to see you! You look so pretty today :D I'm glad you decided to join us on the 4th part of this book. I hope you enjoy, but remember: this is a story that just happens to use people from real life. This is in no way a reflection of anyone I mention in this story, and should not be taken for real life. Again, all trigger warnings stand here as well. This will probably be the last time I mention the trigger warnings, because you have been warned already. Thank you for reading!)

(CLARIFICATION: They are at a different park right now, one closer to the school than to Ethan's house. I guess there are a lot of parks in this town lol. Didn't mean to do that but I am too lazy to change it now)

-Ethan

I reach the park a couple minutes late, clearly not in much of a hurry to get here.

The park looks deserted, a small playset looking decades old, and the park benches all rusted and staining the sidewalk around them. The place looks ominous as well as majestic as the sun falls on all the right places. It reminds me of an apocalypse and, though that sounds horrible, there's a beauty in it. A calming sort of feeling that I don't think I can get anywhere else.

I wander the fairly small park for a while, looking around until I see Jack sitting on a bench, head in his hands. His hair wisps around with the wind softly through his fingertips. He doesn't seem to notice me until I am a few yards away.

He looks up, and I can tell he's been crying by the redness of his eyes. It pains me to know that I was the cause of this sorrow.

He looks up at me and doesn't even try to smile, just schooches over on the bench and pats the seat next to him. He avoids eye contact and wipes his nose before saying anything.

I've been dreading this moment all day, since he demanded that we talk later earlier this morning. However, now that I'm here, my worries seem to dissipate, and peace seems to replace them. I still feel all my guilt, all my heavy thoughts that clouded my mind on the walk over here, but those thoughts are moved away to make room for this conversation, so I can do my best to make things better. I sit down, trying to focus on Jack.

"So, how do you want to start this?" He says quietly, finally looking up to meet me in the eyes.

I think about it, but no particular idea comes to mind.

"I don't know." I sigh calmly. I gaze out onto the abandoned park, studying the landscape as we both decide. A silence follows and looms over the two of us.

Jack finally breaks the peaceful silence after a minute or so, turning to me with confusion and sadness painted all across his face.

"Why would you want to kill yourself?" He asks quietly. I can tell it is a genuine question, as he gazes into my eyes, looking for an answer. I try to avoid his sudden gaze, but it's hard.

The question catches me off guard, and I force myself to look deep into my mind to come up with a reasonable answer. It's difficult, since, frankly, I don't quite know myself. I forgot all the burdening reasons the moment I stepped off the bridge, and I didn't exactly want to return to them.

I lower my head as if to look for them in the physical world as well.

"I'm not sure," I say carefully, waiting for my mind to come up with the rest of my answer, "I think I just couldn't find a reason to live. Like, 'why not kill yourself'? You know?"

Jack looks at me, and his eyes start watering again. He looks confused and a little angry, but the anger diffuses and he looks down, ashamed over something.