Fallen Hearts: Fallen Book 2 (a Boys of Porn novella)

CH 2

The Trans Am turned into the church parking lot and took a space at the far end. Patrick shut the engine off and sat behind the wheel, dreading the day ahead. Brian waved to him from the front steps of the church where he was talking with a couple of their friends. Patrick waved back half-heartedly. He loosened the driver's door and looked in the passenger seat at his Bible. It had always been a source of comfort for Patrick—now, it seemed to glare at him accusingly.

He grabbed the book and climbed out of the car as Brian trotted over.

"Feeling better today?"

Patrick shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"You don't look so great."

"Thanks."

Brian smiled. "Sorry. I just meant you still look sick."

"I'm fine."

"Do you still have stuff to talk about after church?" Brian asked.

Patrick hesitated. In the bright light of day, he felt exposed and feared Brian's response to last night's indiscretions. But he needed to talk. "Yeah."

"Okay." Brian gripped his shoulder, concern on his face. "I was starting to worry about you last night."

"No need." Patrick moved away from the car toward the church. "Like I said, I was just out driving around... trying to clear my head."

Brian walked beside him. "Because of this Derek guy?"

Patrick swallowed. "Yeah."

"You did the right thing, not going on the date." He patted his back. "But I don't have to tell you that. You're smart, with a good head on your shoulders. You always do the right thing."

Please stop talking, Patrick pleaded silently, his guilt mounting.

Patrick was glad when the service began, and he didn't have to talk or listen to Brian go on about his spiritual integrity. Normally, Brian's faith in him was uplifting. Not today. Because today, you're not worthy.

Patrick tried to focus on the sermon and clear his mind of distracting, troubling thoughts, but he repeatedly caught himself drifting away as the preacher's words hummed incoherently in his ears. During services, he kept his phone turned off. Today, he battled the urge to turn it back on every few minutes to check for notifications. From Derek.

You shouldn't have run out on him like that. It was rude and childish. You owe him an apology.

A strange tingling sensation accompanied the thought and his pulse sped up.

What? You're "excited" because you have an excuse to contact him? Was that all it was—an excuse?

Patrick fidgeted on the padded pew, uncomfortable with the sudden insight into his internal motives. Why would he search for an excuse to contact Derek? He didn't want any more contact with him... right? Isn't that why he ran away from him in the first place?

"Hey." Brian nudged him.

"Huh?" Patrick glanced around and noticed everyone standing for a hymn. He rose to his feet.

"You okay?" Brian whispered.

"Y-yeah." Patrick cleared his throat.

Brian looked at him doubtfully as he opened the hymnal for them to share. Patrick didn't need the book; he knew all the hymns by heart. He sang the words, trying to pull them into his heart but he was merely reciting memorized lyrics as he again drifted away.