Fallen Hearts: Fallen Book 2 (a Boys of Porn novella)

CH 14

Patrick didn't know if he should trust Brian's sincerity. What if it was a ruse to get back into his good graces? They walked to the diner just down from the church, ordered drinks, and sat in the same rear booth as before. A single patron perched at the counter drinking coffee. The diner was otherwise deserted.

"I wanted to tell you the truth about John before now," Brian said quietly, "but it's a painful memory that I don't like to think about."

"You don't have to tell me," Patrick whispered.

"I do. Because I need you to understand why I chose this path and why I believe so strongly that we need to stay the course, stay close to God... and fight temptation with everything inside us."

Patrick nodded and gestured for him to continue.

Brian took a couple of sips of soda and cleared his throat. "I came out to my family and friends at my fourteenth birthday party," he murmured. "My closest friends already knew I was gay, and I think my parents suspected. I didn't think it would be a big deal. Even my friends who didn't know weren't homophobic. I waited till after I blew out my candles. My birthday wish that year was that everyone would be cool with it and accept me for who I was." He lowered his eyes. "My wish didn't come true."

Despite everything that had happened that morning, Patrick found himself hanging on Brian's every word, tension seeping into his bones. Brian's next words caught him by surprise.

"I had a boyfriend then. He was a couple of years older than me. No one knew we were dating, not even my close friends. He was... great. He was my first."

Patrick frowned. "I thought the guy you told me about was your first."

"No. I led you to believe that, but..." He shook his head.

"What happened at the party?"

Brian averted his eyes as a look of pain strained his face. "Everyone was cool with my announcement... except John. My big brother... best friend... I thought he'd be the first to rally behind me, tell me how proud he was that I had the courage to come out and be myself." His neck cords strained as he swallowed hard. "The look that spread across his face... killed me. Pure horror and... and shame. Right there, in front of everyone, he disowned me... told me we were no longer brothers."

Brian's face shimmered before Patrick.

"Then he walked out." Brian wiped his eyes. "I lost it and ran after him. I caught up to him as he was getting into his car. I was crying... begging him to understand and not hate me." Brian ducked his head, his chin trembling. Tears rolled down his face and dripped onto the table. "I grabbed on to him and he... he punched me. He'd never hit me in his life, always promised he had my back, no matter what. But he hit me then—hard. Knocked me to the ground, almost knocked me out." His breath shuddered. "He stared down at me with pure hate in his eyes and said..." Brian squeezed his eyes shut as his brow pinched in pain. "He said he would rather be dead than have an... ass-fucking faggot for a brother. He left me there, nose broken and blood gushing, and sped off in his car. A couple of hours later..." Brian trembled, his hands shaking as he ran them through his hair, his glossy eyes distant with horror. "... he was dead. The cops said it was an accident..." His face crumpled. "... but I don't know if it was. He was so angry... hurt... disgusted when he drove away... like I had betrayed him as a brother by being gay."

Patrick was trembling as well, tears running down his cheeks. "You think... you think maybe he caused the accident... on purpose?"

Brian buried his face in his hands, shaking with sobs. "I don't know. However it... it happened, it was my fault. I killed my brother, Patrick. And he left this life hating me." He grabbed napkins and blew his nose and wiped his face. When he looked up, his eyes were puffy and bloodshot. "If I wasn't gay... he'd still be alive. We'd still be best friends. He would still love me. Because of me, my parents had to bury their child. He had his whole life ahead of him... and I took it away because I thought it was okay to be an ass-fucking faggot." Fresh tears spilled over. "God showed me that day how it destroys everything you love."