Fallen Hearts: Fallen Book 2 (a Boys of Porn novella)

CH 17

Derek took out his phone. "Gideon asked me to call to let him know everything was okay." He made his call and waited for Gideon to answer. "Hey, it's me. I'm with Patrick." He paused. Listened. And glanced at Patrick, smiling. "Yeah, he's okay. He going to stay with us. He can't go home right now."

Patrick placed the uneaten half of his burger back inside the bag and set it aside. He'd finished his fries, but the remainder of the hamburger was too much for his tense stomach. He sipped his soda and stared out the windshield at the street and passing cars.

"Okay," Derek spoke into the phone. "We'll be home soon. Oh—and tell the twins to be mellow." He grinned at something Gideon said. "Yeah, I know. I'll see you soon. Bye."

Stirring his soda, Patrick remarked quietly, "You sound like you're talking to your dad."

Derek smiled. "I kind of think of him that way. He calls me son a lot." He nodded. "I could do a lot worse for a father."

"I used to think my dad wasn't so bad," Patrick whispered. "Even after I came out, he didn't completely freak. I thought things would eventually get better as long as I didn't..." Have sex with men. He looked away. "I think it's my fault that everything went bad all of a sudden."

"How is it your fault?"

Patrick rested his head on the side window. Because I couldn't let you go.

Clearing his throat, Derek nodded. "Because of me? They saw what I was and automatically assumed what would happen between us?"

"Something like that," Patrick whispered.

"They shouldn't make assumptions about people they don't know." He smiled softly at Patrick. "Or people they do know, for that matter."

What if the assumptions were right? Patrick trembled as his dreams resurfaced. Sitting so close to Derek, in the flesh, the image of his nude photo filled Patrick's head, and refused to leave. And the video clip...

Stop thinking about it! Stop-stop-stop!

"Patrick..."

Patrick was afraid to look at him, afraid he would see his thoughts.

"You have the right to choose for yourself. If other people can't handle your choices, that's on them. It doesn't make their behavior your fault. If you allow yourself to believe that, then your life will never be your own. You deserve to live your life however makes you happiest. And no one gets to tell you what will make you happy or fulfilled. Only you get to decide what that is."

No one had ever talked to him this way or said things that made him feel in control of his life. It felt good to hear. It felt... liberating. Something he'd never felt before.

"I'm sorry." Derek chuckled softly. "I don't mean to sound like a therapist. I think Gideon is rubbing off on me. I always go to him for advice."

"I like what you said." Patrick cast him a tentative glance. "Since I came out, all I hear is what I'm not supposed to do or... or not supposed to... feel... or think... or believe." He turned away again. "Sometimes, I feel so exhausted... emotionally... spiritually. But if I admitted to feeling that way, they would just tell me to give it to God. That it was all part of our walk with God." His jaw pinched as emotion welled inside him. "And I know God is there to give us strength, but sometimes it still feels like too much. The Bible says God won't put on us more than we can bear, but... but it feels like He does." He brushed tears from his eyes. "Or maybe I'm just weak."

Derek cleared his throat, a rasp in his voice when he spoke. "You're not weak, Patrick."

"How do you know?" he asked thickly.