Hermione Granger x female reader one shots

Reality of Hogwarts pt 4

You: I guess we're together now
Hermione: I guess so
You: one condition
Hermione: what?
You: I get to be the girlfriend
Hermione: I-

***

*your watching the same video over and over again*
You: that's hot
Hermione:...
You: *mutters* so gooood
Hermione: *angry* what are you watching
You: *shows Hermione a McDonald's ad*
Ron: damn that is hot, y/n you get the keys
You: on it *runs to the keys*
Harry: *yells* you know what I want
Ron and you: *yells back* we know

***

You: I think it's a little sexist how's boys have dicks and girls don't.
Hermione: it's 3 am go.to.bed.

***

You: lookin fineee
You: pop the fuck off
You: damnnn
Hermione: who are you talking to
You: my fine ass self

***

Ron: I'm a top
Harry: no your not
Ron: yes I am
Harry: mate, lavender is definitely a top
Hermione: what's wrong with Ron having the top bunk bed
You: love, not what we're talking about

***

You: my friend asked me who the most beautiful girl in the world is...wanna know what I said
Hermione: *blushes* what
You: me
Hermione:I should've declined your offer to go out with you
You: but ya didn't

***

Harry: why is Y/N in the hospital wing
Hermione: she walked in on me changing, screamed, covered her eyes, and walked into the bloody door knocking herself unconscious.
Ron: I guess you can say she really fell for you Hermione
Harry: Ron she has a concussion she didn't just fall, the bitch tumbled

***

You: I have a question
Hermione: here we go *sighs*
Harry and Ron: what is it?
You: don't you think it's a little racist that at night it's black out but in the morning it's blue like bitch where's white.
Harry: I-
Ron: my brain can't take such knowledge
Hermione: bloody idiots

***

Ron: I can't imagine Snape with a sex life
Hermione: really Ronald
Harry: wait no he's right
You: *impersonates Snapes voice* turn to position 394

***

You: what's your favorite thing to do
Hermione: read
You: I'll be right back
*comes back 20 minutes later with a piece of parchment*
Hermione: what's this
You: my name is now read

***

Hermione: I love you
You: I love me too

***

You: sometimes I look at you and wonder how did you got so lucky
Hermione: huh
You: *points to yourself* me duh, you've
been blessed with my presence
Hermione: and you've been blessed with no sex for a week

***

Ron: Y/n, food or Hermione?
You: hm both taste equally good
Harry and Ron: 👁👄👁
Hermione: ...

***
*Hemrione: GP in this-sorry but your a bottom*
*Ginny, Harry, Ron, and Neville have been ignoring you and Hermione all day*
You: why are you guys ignoring us
Neville: *looks anywhere but your eyes*
Ginny: take it slow
Harry: put it down on me
Ron: I said jump on it
Ginny: ride like a pony
Neville: *interrupts ginny* the lights were down low how could you even see
Harry: it's time to get naughty
Hermione: WHY WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING
Ginny: we didn't have a bloody Choice!, you guys weren't exactly quiet
You: how'd I sound though, good?, bad?
Neville: like you were getting railed

***
*Inspo: Tiktok*
Ron: *cries into Harry's shoulder*
You: Ron why are you crying
Ron: my girlfriend cheated on me
You: oop *looks at Hermione*
Hermione: Ron we were never dating
You: how did you find out
Ron: I saw her in the library snogging some girl
You: the library 🤔
Ron: yes
You: ohh that was me
Harry: *tries to stifle laughter but fails*
Ginny: sorry Ron but looks like Y/n stole ya girl
Harry: *bursts out laughing*

***

You: don't talk to me
Hermione: y/n I'm sorr-
You: stop I don't want to hear it
Hermione: I didn't mean it
You: YOU CALLED ME STUPID
Hermione: YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT SOUND A DOG MAKES
You: smh woof, meow, same thing

***

Your friend: you got this just go say hi
You: how!?
Your friend: uhhh hi?
You: smh very helpful
*friend pushes you towards Hermione*
Hermione: oh Hi, Y/N Y/L/N right?
You: uh-uhm
Hermione: ...
You: uhhh *Insert gay panic*
Hermione: uhm
You: bye!
*runs out of the library*
Your friend: ONE WORD, ONE GODDAMN FUCKING WORD AND YOU MESS IT UP-MERLINS BEARD HOW?!

***

You: technically were not dumb
Hermione: please not now
You: your really, really smart but we're just regular smart so that makes you smarter than regular smart which makes regular smart look dumb to you
Hermione: Go. To. Sleep. Y/N.

***

You: unlike you horny teenagers I look for more in a relationship than just sex
Harry: Y/n, you and Hermione literally fucked yesterday
You: not the point-wait how the fuck do you know that

***

Hermione: your mine
You: technically I'm not, you didn't make me, you didn't buy me from a store, you didn't birth me, you didn't-
Hermione: shut up, I was trying to be cute

***

You: *you run into the Gryffindor common room* OMG GUYS
everyone: what
You: Umbitch and Filth I mean Umbridge and Filtch equals Fumbridge
Ron: bloody hell
Harry: Brilliant!
You: two rats in a dumpster
Hermione: Y/N!
You: ...
Hermione: don't insult rats like that

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A/N: so this has been in my drafts for like two weeks anyways enjoy, I'm working on chapters for some of my other stories as well but anyways...
Byeeee
-Anonymous