Capturing Bella

10

10
Lana del rey- norman fucking rockwell

The days didn't become easier for me. I thought about bute every second of the day as I was attached to these chains.

I was emotionally imbalance, I had no one to talk to or release this upon. The grief and sadness. The regret pained me knowing that the only thing I loved was probably gone for good by now.

Vunjult didn't understand what he did to me. He went on about things as if he hasn't completely twisted my entire life with his own sick hands.

I was slowly loosing my identity and merging myself with the object he protrayed me as.

And it hurts, I'm human and I have emotions. Much more human than him, it's come to the point where I've needed the affection and interaction.

He's drenched so bad to the point where I had to rely on him.

I hated him, and I hated myself for being so weak. Always forming into what the person protrays me as, but never what I think of myself.

These thoughts pondered me as the water flowed through my hair and down my body. I didn't want to leave the shower but as always I couldn't stay for long.

I dried my body and hair before moisturising and dressing my body. I felt relieved for a moment until I entered the room to be greeted with the devil himself.

"Baby, I brought this for you"

He gushed shoving the wrapped box in my hands. The good thing about Vunjult is, when I act "good" he acts even better.

When I act "bad" he acts even worst.

He's given me so much materialistic things lately but they haven't been bute.

My soul aches, my heart aches and I've never ached like this before. I use to be so detached emotions never flowed this way within me.

I opened the box quickly before being met with a shiny gold necklace, that held a gem with my favorite color. Ermald green.

It was ironinc that Vunjult gave me things to wear around the house, as if I had freedom?

I smiled tiredly, it was beautiful. Gorgeous and surreal. I knew smiling would make Vunjult happy and cause less conflict.

I knew that's what he desired from me. So I did it everytime, a constant routine.

With all honestly I didn't want anything other than to just be held. Saddening I know, but had the pain the abuser caused become so unbearable you search for love instead.

I just wanted Vunjult to hold me. And he did everytime I approached him and softly laid on him. He would rock me to sleep.

That's all I wanted, I was so tired of Fighting. I hated feeling angry within myself, I just wanted all of this to dissolve and go away.

I felt so lonely in the inside, what else was I left to do?

Vunjult hummed soft melodies while caressing my back.

Vunjult wasn't forceful with me, he never invaded my personal privacy or forced himself on to me passionately.

He's never brought it up, but I could tell by the way he looked at me he thought about it everyday, and within my sadness I did to.

I was guilty of slowly falling in love with my kidnapper.

But things for me, since a child haven't been conventional for me. With my family, and friends nor my love life. It was as if I was in a backwards universe.

How could I feel this way?

I thought as my head laid against his firm chest. I didn't even know if I wanted to leave this house anymore.

What has my life become?