You broke Us

9.

Hobi

I've been a zombie for the past few days. I can't even handle myself. I'm a terrible human being.

YoonGi has been MIA for a bit. He said he's been too stressed and that his mom is taking care of him.

At least he's not alone.

I ended up having Dewon stay at the Kim's because I've just not been ready to see her. How can I look my baby girl on the eyes and smile when I'm the reason her brother is dead.

I'm such a terrible fucking parent. I absolutely hate myself.

Of course Jin had to tell Joon what happened and even Joon is a wreck. He feels guilty for not stopping me. I'm honestly surprised I still have friends at this point.

My own mother doesn't want to deal with me. She smacked me across the face because I put hands on a pregnant person.

She told me that I will regret my choices. She's always been on Tae's side no matter what argument we had. She's convinced that Tae is innocent and that I was stop stupid to see the truth.

She absolutely hates YoonGi. She's never liked him. When we first became friends my mom said she could tell he was a bad person. Not to mention she hates YoonGi's mom. But that hate stems from the time Yoons mom sprayed weed killer on my moms prized azaleas the day before the towns flower competition. It was the only year my mother lost.

God I'm such a fuck up. But there's nothing I can do. Even if I beg for forgiveness it's not like I deserve it. I assaulted my own husband and caused him trauma.

I know it won't make up for what I did but I can let him see Dewon more than once a week. The fact that he still fought for visitation even though I took our son away from shows that he truly loves her. He could have walked away from everything so that he didn't have to see me but he endures it so that he can see her.

Plus he doesn't even bad mouth YoonGi. She's always telling me how her Papa tells her to be nice to YoonGi and he even used his own money to buy baby things because Dewon really wanted to buy princess stuff for her sisters.

How difficult that must have been. To buy baby items for the man that's pregnant with your ex husbands kids while you're mourning the loss of you own child.

YoonGi is 17 weeks pregnant. Tae would have been 32 weeks pregnant today. Even if we wouldn't be together I know the type of person he is. He would have asked if I wanted to go to appointments. He would have given me copies of ultrasounds.

I'm so fucking sorry.

                             •

"Excuse me Mr. Jung you have a Mr. Kim Taehyung asking to see you" my new receptionist said

What is Tae doing here? Oh god did something happen with Dewon

"Let him in" I replied

Within two minutes Tae was sitting across the table from me.

He looks like he lost weight. I would too if I was in his situation. I know I lost a baby too but he had to under surgery because I hurt him.

"Hi" he said nervously

"Hi" I replied

How can he sit there and be in the same room as me. If it were the other way around I would cry and yell.

"I'm sorry to show up unannounced but I have something to say to you"

Is he going to tell me? Tell me what I caused? Tell me how much he's hurting? God I hate myself.