You broke Us

14.

Tae

Tonight is the night. It has to be.

For the last two months JungKook and I have been getting closer. He's a really nice guy and he opened up to me about his run away mom, abusive dad and his uncles.

I hated that he went through that stuff because he's a kind soul. He didn't deserve all that heart break.

The most we've ever done was some pretty intense kissing but I'm ready for more. I just need to find a way to reciprocate that.

Christmas is in two weeks and yeah I've been getting sad because this will be the first Christmas since the divorce but I can't keep letting my failed marriage take over my life.

Hoseok and I agreed that i would her Christmas Eve and he would get Christmas Day. It fucking sucks that I have to drive my daughter half way across town to spend Christmas without me but it could be worst.

This is also my first birthday since the divorce. I'll be 26 and again it sucks that I can't have my daughter with me since my birthday lands on Hoseok's day but at least I get New Years.

The publishing house is clothes form December 23 - January 4, so maybe if Kook wants he can accompany on a small stay-cation.

Everywhere is booked and even with how well Jimin pays me theres no way I afford to pay for a trip because now I have utilities bills, property taxes, 1/2 of Dewon's expenses and now I'm responsible for my own health insurance plan. I had to get my own car. I have savings but I don't want to touch that money unless I absolutely have too.

With Hoseok it wasn't that bad because we shared all the expenses but now all of this on one income. His company is doing better so he has more money which is good because I know Dewon won't ever lack anything from him plus now he having 2 more kids.

Dewon is excited. She told me how the babies should arrive after the new year. A few times she cried because she was scared that her sisters wouldn't like her since Jin's new baby, another girl always cry's and Dewon is convince that baby doesn't like her.

I felt a bit sad. This is the first time I wasn't there to meet the newest Kim. I was there for all of Jin's births and I helped when needed.

It's got to be hard on him. Neither him nor Joon have their partners in their lives, and I'm sure Joon went back to work. So it's just Jin with 2 kids, a toddler and now a 3 month old newborn.

Part of me wants to call him and see how he's doing. But I can't forgive him. But then part of me is confused as to why I'm mad. He was pregnant at the time and his duty was to protect his baby. Plus It's not like he knew Hoseok would hit me, I'm sure Hoseok didn't even know he was going to hit me.

I really want to hate Jin but part of me can't. Plus he went into a depression when NamJoon left back to work after Jae was born.

I know the kids are off for winter break and so Jin is home work all 4. God I'm hope I'm not going to regret this.

•

When I pulled up to the NamJin house, only Jin's car was in the drive way. I haven't been here since that night.

I took a deep breathe in and used my spare key to open their door. I'm so thankful Jin never asked for it back because this house is in complete shambles.

The trash is overflowing, the dishes are stacked high, toys and laundry are all over the floor.

I hear the baby screaming her head off up stairs. The other 3 kids are screaming and running about. I haven't been here a full 5 minutes and all that noise is giving me a headache.