You broke Us

17.

Hobi

This year felt so different.

It was Christmas morning but there wasn't the usual Christmas music radiating from down stairs while the house smelled off homemade cinnamon rolls.

There was no laughter that came from down the hall as Dewon ran to wake me.

So many Christmas traditions were now a memory.

I couldn't help but cry. This feeling for hurt washed over me. This is my first Christmas without my husband.....ex husband.

Last Christmas was amazing. All taehyung talked about was how happy he was. He loves Christmas and of course his birthday that followed.

This time last year I was happy and cuddled on the sofa with the love of my life while we watched our daughter open her Christmas presents.

I hate that he's making me miss him. He cheated on me and here I am missing him, while my sleeping and heavily pregnant boyfriend is next to me.

How could this be my life? I never dreamt it would turn out like this.

I know I feel some kind of love for YoonGi but it's not the same level of love I feel.....felt for taehyung.

God. I still love him. After all the pain he caused me I'm so fucking in love with him. But I can't forgive him. I can't be with him.

I have YoonGi and I can't just abandon him. I love him too. He's pregnant with my kids. He's amazing in his own way too.

I'm just so confused. Why do I love two people? Why is today so difficult?

2 hours went by and Dewon was still in her room. By this time she would have already jumped in my bed and begged me to run to the living room.

YoonGi woke up and he looked at me.

Gosh this man is beautiful. But why can't I give him all my love?

"Merry Christmas" he whispered

"Merry Christmas" I smiled

I helped him get out of bed and we did our morning routine. We had both gotten use to each other it was almost robotic.

                              •

When we got downstairs all I could hear were some sniffles. I peaked into the living room and I saw my daughter hugging a photo.

I remember it clearly. Each year we would take a family photo in front of the Christmas tree and frame it. Dewon loved it and she insisted that she get to keep them all.

So there she was, crying Christmas morning while holding last years photo.

"Sweetie what's the matter?"

I didn't even notice that YoonGi walked over to her. He had gotten good at consoling her. He was honestly a really good parent. Yeah we had a conversation about discipline methods but he was really amazing.

"I'm just sad. I m-miss papa" she cried

"I know you miss you. I'm so sorry. This must be so hard on you" YoonGi replied