Never Alone (Book Two)

Chapter Twenty One

Arrow

My fingers tangled in Jo's silky blonde curls while she rested her head on my lap, her breathing slowed as she fell asleep gripping onto my other hand.

"I love you, Princess." I barley whispered once she fell asleep. Her grip slowly loosened as she let her arm fall next to herself.

There was so many things I wanted to tell Jo, so much more than what I had told her. In all honesty, I didn't think I would ever tell her about the miscarriage. It wasn't something I liked to talk about, or to think about. I would much rather forget it ever happened.

My mom tries to bring it up when she's asking me how I'm actually doing every few months, but I shoot it down quickly. It's the sort of pain you don't want to share with anyone else, it's so devastating that you can't bare to project it onto another- even if it was just for a split second.

Alexi's different, it was something we went through together. Something we had to face together. Alexi had dealt with it a lot better than I had, she was the kind of person that could handle a tragedy and heal from it rather quickly. Alexi and I stopped communicating a few months before graduation, we weren't together anymore and we're handling things on our own, in different ways.

Being a father at seventeen wasn't something I wanted, it was something I never thought would happen. But with time, I grew to love the idea. The idea of a tiny human relying on me, relying on my endless love for him or her. The idea of starting my own family.

While I fell in love with the idea, guilt consumed me over Jasmine. How could I be so happy when my sister was dying? She was born so weak, and one illness killed her. Even during her last days I had hope she'd wake up the next.

We all knew she wasn't going to make it but, no matter how much we knew the truth, we weren't prepared for the day when she died.

I had nothing once Alexi lost our baby and Jas died, they happened so closely together that it was impossible to grieve properly. To heal from on situation.

I had nothing, I felt like I had nothing. The constant threat of our family breaking apart filled my mind once Jasmine had passed. I've heard multiple stories of families being torn apart after a child dies, an awful divorce taking place.

Once I realized how strong my parents relationship was, the worry went away. The worry only went away around Christmas, after I had asked Jo to be my girlfriend.

Seeing my parents put on a smile for Lilian and I, was incredible strength. Jasmine had loved Christmas, she would always wake Lilian up first, than me and lastly our parents. Only having Lilian and I waking them up must have been difficult. Without a second thought, I helped Lil wake them up, I wanted to make sure she had a great Christmas.

Jo being there for Christmas was such an incredible feeling, she felt like she had been apart of our family for years. She fit right in and followed our family traditions, along with visiting Jas's grave.

Jo became my everything when I felt like I had nothing.

From the day I started to fall in love with her, I knew she was more like than I was hers.

She saved me without knowing it, kept me from being with Jasmine. I don't think my family could go through that kind of pain again.

After awhile, I slid my hand under Jo's legs and picked her up. She instantly cuddled up to my chest as I carried her into our bedroom.

I laid her on the bed and covered her up with the heavy blanket. Before leaving, I grabbed a makeup wipe from her white vanity that sat against the grey wall. I wiped off her makeup the best of I could without waking her up and carefully took off her fake eyelashes.

Jo rolled over and rubbed her face without waking up. A smile spread across my face as I watched her. This amazing girl has done more for me than she'll ever know.

With a sigh, I went back out into the living room where Twix was sleeping. He had his face tucked under his paw.

I sat next to him with a pen and paper ready to write another letter to Jas.

Jas,
      I miss you. A lot. I haven't forgotten you, I hope you know that. My love for you is still strong, I can promise it'll never go away.
     Jo knows about the baby now, her reaction was more than I expected. I felt extraordinary fear over her reaction, but it was met with her love and understanding. She sat and listened to me only to offer her love still. I know now that I can tell her everything else. I can tell her that few secrets I have.
      I want you to know classes are going great, I wake up every day and go to class. I do all my work and get great grades, it's incredible to live through this time. Because I never thought I would make it this far, I thought I'd be with you while we patiently wait for mom and dad to join us year down the road and Lil even further.
      I've dumped so much onto Jo that she should leave me, I'm well aware that I'm not worthy of her love or loyalty. I wasn't worthy of the second chance she gave me. I don't know how well she's going to react when she finds out about Mercy, when she finds out Mercy's her half sister....
       I'm not ready for her to have to deal with that, not now anyway. She has so much on her plate and after telling her mostly everything, I feel like we can be truly happy. Mercy is the last person who gets to ruin it, her parents aren't going to ruin it either.
       I know I'll have to tell her eventually, just not now....I love you, Jas.

-Arrow

With a sigh, I folded up the piece of paper and put it into my box that was still laying out. It felt good to finally write it down, to tell someone about Mercy.

More than anything, I wanted to tell Jo about Mercy being her half sister but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It meant there would be more anger and heartbreak, that wasn't something we needed in our lives. Not when everything seemed to be falling together.

Sooner or later Jo would find out about Mercy, especially since she's transferring to our school.

~Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I hope you all had an amazing holiday! Thank you for reading and tell me what you think!!!

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