HELL NO!!! I'm Never Gonna Get Married To You!

Chapter 32

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PAUL:

It didn’t seem right. The moment I pulled back and stared into her light brown eyes, I knew I had made a mistake. The thing I called love wasn’t exactly love. It was just the attraction. Just the liking that had developed through me when of all the people, Andy had welcomed me. And what had I done? Betrayed her. She took me as a friend and she loved me as a friend and where did my shame went when I whispered ‘I love you’ and kissed her?

But it felt so much like love!

Her beautiful eyes were locked with mine and the tears were oozing out and rolling down. I made her cry! She shook a bit, calming down her sobbed breaths and then spoke. “Please… Paul… I beg you… don’t do this…”

“I’m sorry Andy… I couldn’t help myself.” I really was sorry for everything. I don’t know how I was supposed to feel. I closed my eyes, pulled myself straight and walked out of her room. I knew she had broken down and was crying out the tears that had been buried in her for the past month and my heart ached to see that I was the reason behind it.

As the guilt pour deep down in my heart, I walked to my room and shut the door with a smack. I turned around and found my dad standing across the bed, facing the closed door of the balcony, staring at it blankly. I didn’t break the silence maybe because I was shocked to see him here or maybe I was angry at everything. He took time to turn and walked to me. For the first time in years, I was facing my dad and really looking at him. His young handsome face looked old and worn and his sparkling green eyes, like mine, were blank. Overall, he didn’t looked forty-six at all.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a long time Paul but I couldn’t get myself to say it. And now its time I’d confess my sin.”

“Sin, huh? If this sin has anything to do with your unkind attitude towards me… then save it dad. I don’t need your apology. I don’t care anymore.” I said curtly because suddenly there was anger filling in me like water filling up a glass.

“But I care Paul, I care for everything. I’ve not been the best dad to you and you can hate me for that but it doesn’t mean I didn’t care for you or thought about you.” He sighed, withdrawing his glance from me and turned asides. “I’ve loved you more than Austin, maybe you don’t know that and that love made me selfish.” He closed his eyes and I could feel the pain visibly wash over him. “I became so selfish I ruined your life.”

“What are you talking about?” watching his pain I felt my anger fading away.

“I ordered Karen to stay away from you.”

Suddenly the room started to close in, knocking the breath out of me. I wasn’t in my room anymore. All I could see was Karen walking out of our apartment door without turning back but I heard her sob. “She left me…” I whispered out the breath.

“She left you because I told her to. I needed you back.” he turned to me and put his hands over my shoulder maybe tightly but I couldn’t feel them because suddenly my world went numb. “You have any idea how painful it was to watch you moving away like that! Did you, for once, ever think about us?”

“You told her to leave…” was all I could get out in a whisper. I couldn’t see him standing in front of me but Karen’s beautiful face and her voice ringing in my ears. ‘I’m leaving Paul…I don’t need you anymore. You’ve nothing to give me or my child…’ “No!” she never meant any of it! She was forced to…

“I’m sorry Paul, I had no other way. I’ve always been selfish.”

My sight got focused, fixing upon his face. “Selfish! You Made Her Leave Me!” I shouted out the anger which was boiling in my veins. I pushed him away forcefully. “You Ruined My Whole Damn Life and you call yourself Selfish!” my voice, although a shout, trembled by the lump in my throat and tears that were building up in my eyes because of the ache in my heart. “You’re a –—” I gritted my teeth to keep the words in. whatever I would say to him could never change what was done. “You still ignored me Dad! I was back wasn’t I? That was what you wanted! But still you ignored me!”