Chapter 42

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Ryujin's POV

The peel of adhesive bandages were all over the floor from where I'm standing. I looked at myself on the mirror and smiled before putting on my white long sleeves and my blazer.

I've put bandages now. It's fine. It will be fine now. It will slowly heal now. I will. Yeji said it will.

"Dad! Are you done already?" I called out while spraying perfume on my body.

A knock on my open door made me turn my head and sees my dad who's all done. As usual, ready for his office.

"Do you want me to fetch you later this afternoon?" he asked.

"No, aunt Seulgi told me that the therapist will visit Yeji this afternoon so I'll be going there to see what would happen." I stated as I slipped my foot in my shoes.

I grabbed my phone before totally walking out of my room.

"You love her really, don't you?" dad mumbled.

I sighs before speaking, "Is it fine with you?"

You know everything yet you don't speak. It's hurting, it's painful, right? It's too painful, dad...

"Of course...can we choose who we fall in love with? If only we can then it's better—but we can't." he said while walking ahead of me.

"If our hearts can choose who we should love, would you still love mom?" I asked.

Because if we can really choose...maybe I'd choose someone else. Even before, I wanted to get rid of my feelings for Yeji because I know myself that it's wrong. And if only I found out earlier, I should've avoided everything.

No matter how I love Yeji, everything sucks. Everything around us. Why do we even have a small world? By the way Seulgi tells it all...we're all in pain. Yeji will be in pain if she finds out too. It's just—it's too much. Everything is revolving around us and it's fucked up.

"Ryujin? I committed a biggest crime of loving your mom and if only I can choose who to love, I'd choose not to fall for her smile, her eyes—every details of her. Then maybe, maybe it wasn't this painful." he stated after pressing the button of elevator.

"Why do you love me so much, dad? You know that I'm not yours..." I said, "Maybe if my real father knows that I'd been born, he wouldn't care too as much as mom does."

"Do you want to look for your real dad?" he asked but I just chuckle.

"Why would I? My dad is superman dressed as businessman." I lightly punched his shoulder that made him smile.

"Always remember that I'm afraid to lose you, okay?" his bigger hand collided with mine as we both walks out of the elevator. "Your real father is right here beside you, Ryujin-ah. Remember that."

Whenever dad holds my hand, it feels like I'm in the safest place but I remember what Seulgi told me. How I hush when she's carrying me and how I hold her hand with my tiny finger...if only I could remember those things...

But I don't...

That's why there will always be a part of me that would hate her. I hate her because mom never unloved her and there she was— having a family that mom never had. I hate her because she's the reason why my dad always feel defeated. And...and dad probably felt like Seulgi defeated him about me.

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