1 (jaylor) wisteria hearts and caged folk songs

chapter twenty three.

His words followed her all the way back to the car. They made her smile because he saw her in a way that she could never. But maybe the darkness would get to know this new version of her. Because she was stronger now, and she certainly wasn't going to give up. She wouldn't ever let herself succumb to the numbing cold that she'd become so familiar with. She wouldn't let it rob her of the light she was trying so hard to ignite.

By the time they were back at the car, they were drenched head to toe. She wasn't worried about it - she was more worried about the fact that Joe had come out in this weather to keep her company. Because he knew that it would be good for her mental health. He was right, as he so often was.
"I'm sorry that you had to come here and get all wet and cold when it's freezing outside already..." Taylor held her head low.
"Taylor," Joe gently moved her chin to look at him. "Remember what we always talk about?" He didn't judge her, he didn't think she was stupid.
Taylor sighed. "I've got to be kind to myself." She didn't feel like being kind to herself. She didn't feel like she deserved her own kindness right now. Maybe other times she could convince her mind that she did, but not today. "Even when I really, really, really don't want to be."
"You do," Joe gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "You need to start telling yourself that you're doing the best you can in these circumstances - and that's enough."
"I guess... but now your entire family are probably going to think that there's actually something wrong with me." Taylor was terrified of going back into that house. She didn't want them to see her like this. At least now she was soaking wet and had an excuse for that gentle tremor in her hands. "I just want to make a good impression and I've already-" Joe's voice played in her head, you need to be kind to yourself. "I just want my best to be good enough for everyone else."
Joe took a moment to think about what she'd said because he knew what that felt like. He was sure that most people knew that feeling of trying your best and it never being enough for people.
"But you are good enough. Your best is absolutely good enough." He told her warmly on their ride home. "It's not your fault if other people can't see it. But you and I both know how hard you are trying right now. You've been through something big, Taylor." She wished that she could bottle up his words and replay them whenever she needed to hear them. He always knew what to say, always provided the antidote to her pain. "And we've been set up to think that we're going to wake up one morning and it's all going to go away, that it won't bother us anymore and that this big life thing won't bother us again. But unfortunately, that's not how it works." At first, she was frustrated by his comment. Until she realised that he was only telling the truth. Because she did seem to think that one day it would all go away and it wouldn't be a problem anymore. Deep down she knew that's what she felt was going to happen, but the reality was so much different.
"I know... I guess you're right." She admitted. "It would be a lot easier if that was how it worked."
"It would be," Joe said. "But you'll be stronger because of it, Taylor."
She found that hard to believe.
Would she?

She walked through the door apprehensively, Joe walked in front of her and held her hand. She was petrified of what they'd think. Did they see her crying? Would they realise that she didn't deserve him?
"Sorry, Taylor and I wanted to go for a walk before breakfast," Joe said as he greeted them in the hallway.
"In the pouring rain?" Patrick smirked. "Sounds absolutely delightful." Taylor adored the playful relationship that Joe shared with his brothers, it made her feel so... at home.
"There's nothing quite like a walk in the rain." Joe's mother said with a smile as she walked in from the kitchen.
"I'm sorry that I didn't help you..." Taylor apologised. Guilt settled in her stomach again.
"There is absolutely no need to apologise." Elizabeth smiled warmly. "I hope the two of you had a lovely walk."

Both Joe and Taylor went upstairs to get out of their wet clothes. When the door closed, Joe pulled her in for a hug. She rested her head in the crook of his neck. "Do you feel better?"
She nodded. "I do. I just think I needed some fresh air."
"This afternoon we can write the statement together and then we'll post it, and then... as hard as it is... you'll be able to let it go." She felt so awful that he was here with his family and he had to help her.
"You really don't have to. I'd rather you spent time with your family..." she bit her lip.
"There's plenty of time for both. I want to help you if you'll let me. I think we'd be good at it considering half the time we talk it feels as if we're reciting poetry." Joe gently nudge her and Taylor allowed herself to smile. "In a good way, of course."
"Did you expect anything different from a singer?" She smiled. "And an artist?"
"No, I suppose not." He kissed her cheek, pulling her in. "I love our poetic conversations."
"I really don't want you to miss out on spending time with your family because I've got drama going on." He kissed her, as her hair dripped down her face. "I'm serious, Joe! I want you to be able to spend-"
"Taylor," Joe told her calmly. "It won't take us very long. We're here for a while, my love. I do know that Patrick can't wait to get to know you. He's very excited that I've actually brought someone home for once."
Taylor smiled. "Really? He seems very funny."
"He's hilarious most of the time - I think that he wants to take me out somewhere while I'm here. The problem with that is that once he starts talking... he doesn't stop." Joe smirked. "So brace yourself - when he gets going... I might not get to see you again."
Taylor started taking off her sopping clothes. "He can't be that bad..." she laughed.
"One time he talked to me for an entire hour about the weather. About why we were having more rain than usual. It is that bad. About how the plants in the garden were going to be drowning at the rate it was coming down."
Taylor let out a light laugh as she pulled a sweatshirt over her head.
They walked down to breakfast, and as Joe had said... Patrick talked the entire time.