1 (jaylor) wisteria hearts and caged folk songs

chapter eleven.

"Do I really have to go back in there? They're going to ask what's wrong, and then they're going to ask where we want to stay-"
"Keep breathing, love. They're just going to want to make sure that you're okay. How about this: we stay in the pool house while we're here. Then we've got our own space, and if you ever need some time to get away from it all, you can. You get a chance to escape the family chaos if you need it." Joe helped her stand up, and she sighed.
"They're going to wonder what happened to me." Taylor fretted. "They're going to think I'm crazy. Or insane. Or broken. Or stupid. They'll want to know why I'm not the same person I was last time I was here... they don't understand. They're not going to understand." She didn't just mean this moment. They weren't going to understand her. And that was a terrifying thought.

She meant that they wouldn't understand all of the other things. All of the late-night wandering hands, all of the pain and all of the hurt. They were going to wonder where the old Taylor went. Where the curls and dazzling smiles were, where her smooth skin was.
"They might," Joe took her hand as he kisses her cheek. "They might wonder that. But it's okay that you're not the same as the person they used to know. It's okay if you're not the same person as you are today in a months time. But it's also okay that they don't understand, but they love you, and that will mean that they'll try to understand what you're feeling."
Taylor nodded. "Okay..."
"Just be honest with them, Taylor. Just be honest about what's going on." Joe smiled as he dropped her hand to help their driver get their bags out of the car. Meredith and Olivia were excited to get out of their crates. Taylor felt embarrassed, but when they went inside and saw her mom again, that feeling left her.
Joe closed the front door, and Taylor bent down to let the cats out. They were both excited to get out, especially when they saw Taylor's mom. Olivia went straight to her dad, and Meredith went straight to her mom.
"Are you okay?" Her dad asked as he picked up Olivia and giving her lots of attention. Taylor sighed, but felt Joe's hand resting on her back, and knew that she could do this.
"I'm sorry about that... I just... it's been a very overwhelming day." She told them honestly.
"Oh, honey." Her mother's voice shook as she pulled Taylor into her arms. Taylor had missed everything about this. The smell of her mom, her dad's smile, and just... feeling like Adam wasn't necessarily haunting every street of this city. "Are you alright now?"
Taylor glanced over at Joe with a smile. "I am now... and... and Joe and I decided that if it's still okay... with you... we'll sleep out in the pool house." She felt Joe squeeze her hand as she said this.
"That sounds great. Scott - will you help them with their things? We can give you some time to settle in - then I want to talk to you, honey." Her mother hugged her again. Taylor felt fear prick her chest.
"O-okay."

Taylor has the job of carrying Meredith and Olivia, who were both beyond excited about it all. Joe and her dad carried the bags, and she realised that she'd made the right decision about staying in the pool house. They were close enough that they were still part of everything... but far enough away that she didn't feel like she needed to keep her guard up all of the time.
"Come in when you're ready and we'll have some lunch." Her dad kissed her forehead as he left them to unpack. As soon as he was gone, Taylor hugged Joe.
"I'm still so proud of you - you told them what you wanted to do!" He rested his hands on her waist, and she had her arms around his neck. "You can add that to your long list of things that you can do now, that you couldn't do a month ago." Taylor rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes for a moment. Slowly, Joe started gently swaying from side to side, and Taylor felt any worry left behind slip far away. "It seems unreal," Joe murmured into her hair, "That I get to be here with you, that you're here and I'm here and I love you so much."
Taylor laughed. "I love you too. I... I don't want to be sad or anything... but I really think that if I hadn't seen you at the cafe... I don't know if I'd still be here today."

Joe wanted to say that he knew what she was saying, but didn't want her to feel as if he was comparing her problems to his own.

"Well, I'm so glad you are. We all are, Taylor. The world without you isn't really a world at all - just ask your fans, your parents, your friends, me... you're like... you're always at the centre of the universe." He paused and Taylor could hear the smile in his voice. "It would be like trying to live without the sun."
"How do you always know what to say? How do you always make it all sound so golden and magical when you speak? I think you need to start songwriting." She smiled. "Maybe one day we'll get to write a song together."
"I'd love to." He kissed her. "Right... I guess we'd better start to unpack."