1 (jaylor) wisteria hearts and caged folk songs

chapter ten.

She'd cried so hard that by the time she was finished she had a pounding headache. But she also felt so much lighter. Because she truly had let her go, it wasn't her fault that these things happened. She knew that now. And that feeling, that feeling of forgiveness, it was beautiful. It was unlike anything she'd ever felt before.

She put the pieces of paper in a pile and left to go back to bed. Feeling like this, as good as it was, was exhausting.

She climbed back into bed, Joe still sleeping beside her. She didn't want to share what they had together with anyone. She didn't want anyone to know about their relationship. They could know that they were together, and that was fine. She could accept that. But she didn't want to be posting photos about the two of them every five minutes as she did with Adam.

He'd made her do that. She'd never wanted to plaster it all over social media... but he'd wanted her to. He'd told her that it was important that the world knew how in love with each other they were. He'd told her that if she didn't post about him, she didn't love him.
She didn't want that with Joe. She didn't want to share the ins and outs of their love story.

For the first time in three years, she finally felt as if she could relax. She sunk into the pillow and drifted back to sleep.

The rain was loud outside, and the morning sky peeked through the curtains. She heard Joe speaking quietly in another room, and smiled. She pulled the covers back over her, sighing. But it wasn't a sad sigh, it was the sort of sigh that a person took when they've finally started to breathe again. One that filled her chest with light and love. Love towards herself. Love towards Joe. She had set Joe's notebook down on the table beside her when he'd given it to her, and she picked it up, holding it to her chest. She loved each and every one of the poems he'd chosen, and she had to restrain herself from reading them all in one go. Turning to a random page, her eyes traced the words, traced each swirl and flick of the pen.

She couldn't believe how beautiful it was. Each one, each little letter, told a different story and held a different feeling.

The tallest mountain cliffs
I have ever seen
Were etched into the rocks walls
That made me
I used to wake at night
Screaming at the sky
Cursing the slopes and cliff edges
That made me

No one knows the cliffside more than I
As they are forged into my soul
My heart, past and future
Wherever I go
They're a part of the skin and bone
That makes me.

It was like the universe, by landing on that page, was telling her that she was on the right path. Because that poem spoke all of those words that she'd felt last night.

Joe must be on the phone, Taylor thought to herself as she went into the bathroom. She looked better. She could see it herself. Her cheeks weren't so sharp and the bruises on her neck were fading away. She knew that those physical things, the scars that were only skin deep, weren't going to be the hard ones to heal. But the fact that she looked brighter was already an accomplishment.

She carefully unwound the bandage that was covering her scars. Whatever that oil was that Joe had put on them had worked. They hadn't looked this good in such a long time. It made her happy.
Maybe once they healed, it would be easier for her to heal on the inside, too.
She gently cleaned them again, gently washed away the blood. This was the first time in a long time that she could look at her arm and not want to cut it. She wanted to let them heal.
She washed her face and brushed her hair, tying it up in a messy bun.
She changed into a sweatshirt and black leggings, while Meredith meowed for her breakfast. She smiled, bending down to pick her up.
"Alright, alright." She kissed the top of her head, going into the kitchen.