Since You've Been Gone

chapter 32 - under the stars

beige - yoke lore

My relationship with four a.m. is the most honest relationship I have ever been in. It seems like more often than not, I am staring up at my off-white-colored ceiling in the middle of the night when I should be asleep.

Staying awake for nearly 20 hours almost every day is just something that I have become accustomed to. It's not good for me, and I know that, but I just can't sleep. It's like my body refuses to shut down.

So as I stared at my ceiling and listened to the cicadas and crickets outside my house, there was only one thing on my brain. Connor.

I kept replaying the feeling of his lips against my own and the way that everything between us felt so natural. How it felt to have his body pressed up against my own as I drifted off to sleep and how when I woke up the next morning, his head was resting on my chest.

I wanted whatever this was between us to work out. I wanted to stay wrapped up in his arms forever. I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him whenever I felt like it. I wanted him.

As I picked up my phone from where it was charging on my nightstand, I started chewing on my bottom lip.

'C? Are you up?' The text was a long shot. The chances of him being awake right now were slim, and the chances of him hearing his phone if he was sleeping were even slimmer. Connor slept like a log, and you had to practically jump on him to wake him up.

Before I knew it though my phone was lighting up and buzzing in my hand. Connor was calling me.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Hope." Connor's voice was thick with sleep. It was obvious that my text had somehow woken him up.

"I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have texted you. I'm so sorry C."

"Why are you apologizing?" He mumbled. "I could have just rolled back over when I got your message."

"I'm still sorry that I woke you up."

"Don't be. Now, what's up?"

I looked down at my lap, and let out a long sigh before answering. "I can't sleep."

"Mhm?"

"Look, Connor, you're probably so tired. I'm sorry that I called."

"No, no. I'm glad you called. I like listening to you talk." I could feel my cheeks heat up as Connor spoke.

"I wish you were here," I whispered.

"You mean that?"

"I do. I slept a lot better when you were here that night." Other than the fact that he stole all the covers.

All of a sudden Connor's voice seemed louder and more awake. "You wanna do something kind of crazy?"

"What?"

"Can I come pick you up?"

"Connor...it's almost four o'clock in the morning."

"I am well aware of what time it is. Can I come get you?"

"I mean I guess." I shrugged.

"Great. Okay." It sounded like Connor was standing up and shuffling around his room as he spoke. "Wear layers. I'll be there in like five minutes." And then the line went dead.

Quietly, I got up from my bed and began to get dressed. After putting on sweatpants and throwing on a jacket over my sweatshirt, I tiptoed out of my room.

It seemed like the hardwood floors were constantly making noise, and my heart raced each time I stepped on a creaky board. But eventually, I made it down the stairs and to the front porch, where I saw Connor's truck waiting at the end of my driveway.