Since You've Been Gone

chapter 45- drowning pt 2

redemption- nathaniel rateliff

"What are you doing here?" I turned towards Connor as he lowered himself into the seat next to me.

Everyone was beginning to pass the massive bowls of vegetables and other sides around as my dad began to cut slices of ham off of the large chunk of meat that sat in the middle of the table.

"Your mom called my grandma." He smiled, showing off his pearly white teeth. "I didn't even know about it until an hour ago."

"What about your sisters? And your dad?"

"Katie and Marc aren't going to get in from their flight until later and Hadley is perfectly content on a quiet Christmas dinner." Connor adjusted the top of his tie and reached for my hand, which was sitting on the arm of my chair. "And my dad actually told me I should come tonight, so I'm sure he'll be fine too."

Connor's dad and I had been on rocky terms for a while, and rightfully so. He had never apologized for what he said to me all those months ago when Connor and I were out on the farm, and it honestly still made me uneasy when the two of us were alone together.

But hearing that he was okay with Connor coming over tonight made my heart swell with a little bit of hope.

"Hope will you pass me the mashed potatoes?" My brother, Beau, asked snapping, me out of my conversation with Connor.

"Yeah, of course."

Within five minutes of everyone having all of their food, it was quiet. Aside from the sounds of cutlery scraping against the porcelain plates – which was a sound that made me want to run from the house screaming – everyone was too busy shoveling food into their mouths to speak.

My mom had truly outdone herself this year with all of the cooking and decorations. I knew that over the years, being a stay-at-home mom had taken a toll on her, and being able to decorate and celebrate the holidays always made her so much happier. That was the reason that nobody ever commented on the fact that the house was constantly decorated for even minor holidays like Valentine's Day, and even Arbor Day.

"So, Hope," Caleb cleared his throat and set down his fork as he began speaking. "You're a senior, right?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Have you decided on a university yet? Or is it too early for decisions still?"

Yikes. I hated when people asked me this question. I had no fucking clue what I wanted to do with my life.

"Decisions should start coming out in the next few weeks."

"Any specific school you're hoping to go to?" Caleb's voice was deep and smooth, and surprisingly genuine. I kind of felt bad for being a bitch when he first came in.

"Hopefully, Troyvens Creek."

From beside Caleb, Raeanna scoffed and reached for another serving of green beans. "You really think you can get in? Let alone be a full-time student, once the baby comes? Get real, Hope."

Raeanna's words did everything but make me feel better.

I felt my stomach drop with sadness and the air rush past my parted lips as she criticized me openly in front of everyone. My heart ached with a pain that wasn't physical but solely because of the heavy emotions that were overtaking me. I could feel the tears begin to pool in my eyes as I looked down at the white and green embroidered napkin that sat in my lap.

I didn't know how to fix things between us. I was trying my hardest to leave her alone and let her come to terms with my pregnancy, but I was tired.