Since You've Been Gone

chapter 48 - it's happening

white ferrari - frank ocean 
When I first found out I was pregnant, my first thought was that I couldn't have a baby – I was just a kid myself. But once I finally grasped the idea that this was happening, whether I liked it or not, my fear of giving birth kicked in.

One night while I was researching what to expect, I accidentally watched multiple women share their birth horror stories, and let me tell you, that scarred me. What if I ripped my coochie from front to back? What if I shit myself? What if something happened to me or my baby?

To put it plain and simple, I was petrified.

"Keep taking deep breaths, Hope." My mom rubbed my knee from beside me. We were all sitting in the car on the way to the hospital, and I was having major déjà vu to the night of Connor's accident. My dad was in the front seat, pedal to the medal, racing down the street, and if I wasn't in as much pain, I would be worried that we might crash.

"Momma..." I whimpered. My body hurt from my head to my freshly painted toes, and I just wanted it to stop.

"I know baby, I know." My mom rubbed her hands over my hair, smoothing out the frazzled pieces that were sticking straight up. It was a movement that she used to do when I was a kid – usually after I skinned my knee or had a meltdown – but it always calmed me down.  "We're almost there, and I promise you, you're gonna be okay."

I knew that my mom was trying her hardest to make me feel better, but her words went in one ear and out the other.

My due date wasn't for another six weeks which meant that if I gave birth today, my baby would be preterm. I was hoping that since everything was fine at my last appointment, the doctor would tell me that this was just Braxton Hicks and I could go home, but after each passing minute, my hope was diminishing.

When we got to the hospital, the waiting room staff took one look at me and rushed me into a room, immediately paging the on-call OBGYN.

Definitely not Braxton Hicks.

The next hour was a frenzy of nurses coming in and out of my room, helping me get changed, hooking up to machines, and anxiously checking my vitals. Not to mention the doctor who I have been seeing my entire pregnancy is currently on vacation in the fucking Bahamas, so I got assigned to a new doctor who looked fresh out of medical school. It was hard to ignore the way his hand trembled as he shook my hand or the sweat that seemed to glisten his forehead as he listened to my case.

"Can someone call Connor?" I threw my head back onto the pillow behind me as another contraction ripped through my body. He was supposed to be here. He was supposed to be the one to hold me and tell me I was doing a good job and that I was still the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. My voice cracked as I realized that he was over an hour away and might not make it in time for the birth of the baby. "Please."

"I called him when you got put in a room." My dad spoke up from the chair in the corner of the room. "It was pure luck that he was in between sessions with the coaches. He's on his way."

"What about Troyvens Creek though? He can't leave, can he? Will the coaches-"

"It's okay, Hope. They understand." My dad cut me off.

It felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders after my dad said that. Connor was on his way. He was coming. Everything was going to be okay.

A few minutes later, after another contraction and pain that left me on the verge of hysteria, the doctor walked into the room. The pale pink scrubs he wore stood out against his black hair and flushed skin, and I could make out the thin gold chain that hid underneath the collar of his top.