Since You've Been Gone

chapter 37- worthy

i just want to see your face - imaginary future

"You can not keep ignoring him, H." Layla was standing next to my locker, with a scowl on her face.

"Layla..." I groaned. "It is too damn early to be arguing about this."

Ever since I had entered the fifth month of my pregnancy, it had been nearly impossible for me to fall asleep. My back ached like never before and just as I got comfortable, I had the urge to pee, and then the cycle started all over again.

At this point, I almost feel like I should just start sleeping in the bathroom. It would save a lot of time.

"Oh, shut up. You haven't even seen me arg- "

"Miss. Stryker?" Dr. Coopa, our school's principal, stood beside me, and by her side was Officer Romero, the police officer who arrested Jack.

Oh shit.

"Do you mind coming with us?"

As my stomach churned with uneasiness and nerves, I looked towards Layla. She appeared to be just as freaked out by our visitors.

It was way too fucking early for this.

"Um... I guess so."

People pointed and stared at me as I followed behind Dr. Coopa and Officer Romero.

While nobody had blatantly said I was the reason that Jack had been dragged out of the cafeteria in handcuffs that day, everyone knew.

Everyone saw me as the crazy ex-girlfriend who had her baby daddy arrested because he didn't love her anymore.

And while I was a tad bit crazy, I wasn't that crazy.

Once the three of us made it into Dr. Coopa's office, I took my seat in one of the plush armchairs in front of her desk.

"Do I need to call my dad?" I asked quietly.

I had no clue what this was about, but if they were going to ask me questions about Jack or tell me I was in trouble, I figured it would be beneficial for my dad to be present.

I guess having the mayor as your dad did pay off sometimes. No one whispered about me or gave me the evil eye when he was around.

"No, that's not necessary, Hope." Dr. Coopa clasped her hands together and rested them on her large wooden desk. "We wanted to bring you in here to talk about Mr. Leigh."

"What about him?"

"He is returning to school."

Come again?

I didn't think Jack would go to jail, so it made complete sense that he would be coming back to school. But that didn't make the words any easier to hear.

"When?"

"Wednesday." Two fucking days. Jack would be back walking up and down the same halls as me in two days. Jesus Christ.

Officer Romero cleared his throat from where he stood behind Dr. Coopa's desk. "We want you to feel safe, Hope." His eyes briefly rested on my stomach before he spoke again. "Due to your condition, we want to make things as easy as possible for you. We have already spoken with Jack and his parents, and he has agreed to not speak to you."

"I..." The words were racing throughout my brain, but I couldn't seem to form them into sentences. This was a lot to take in at eight in the morning. I really wish they had called my dad or my mom, I don't know. They would know what to say or what questions to ask.

"Do you have any classes with him, Hope?" Dr. Coopa questioned. She was trying to help me, but it was obvious, that she had never had to deal with something like this before.

I shook my head and let out a deep sigh. The more I thought about seeing Jack on a daily basis, the more nauseous I felt.  I needed to get out of these four walls.

"Are we done here?"

"Hope..." Officer Romero's tone was laced with pity.

"Thank you both for telling me." Quickly I smiled at Dr. Coopa and Officer Romero and swiftly picked up my backpack from the floor. "Have a great day."

The large oak door closed loudly behind me as I left Dr. Coopa's office. The noise was a reminder of the finality of the situation I was in. Jack was coming back to school.

In the next two days, Jack would be standing at a locker six down from mine. He would be holding that obnoxious basketball that he carried everywhere. And he would be smiling like he did nothing wrong.

The hallways were empty since the first-period bell had rung almost ten minutes ago. Layla would be sitting in AP Computer Science right now, and there was no way I could text her to ask her to meet me in the bathroom.

As I frantically turned down the math hallway, I couldn't help but remember Jack wrapping me up in his arms here, after I failed my math exam.

The way his dark golden arms felt like home and immediately calmed me down. How he always smelled like the lavender fabric softener that he washed his clothes with. The subtle dampness of his brown curls that were still wet from his morning shower.

Everything came rushing back. All the memories and countless hours I spent with Jack were at the forefront of my mind.

I hadn't thought about him in what felt like years. And now, as I rested against the cinderblock wall of the dimly lit hallway, desperately trying to catch my breath, Jack was all I could think about.

But as the good memories faded away, the bad ones become ever so clear.

The snide comments. His roughness. The gnawing insecurity that took over me when Jack was with other girls. How he gripped my wrist so hard when I told him I wouldn't get back together with him, that I had a bruise for weeks. How he carelessly released pictures of me when I was most vulnerable.

Jack Leigh was not good for me, and frankly, I was not good for him.

Our relationship, as lovely as it had been when it started, was unhealthy. It was built on lies and insecurity, and it was only a matter of time before it crumbled to the ground and took me with it.

I deserved more than that.

I deserved someone who loved me unconditionally. Someone who was going to be here through my ups and downs. My trials and tribulations.

Someone who would love me every day and wouldn't be scared of the shitshow I call life.

I deserved a partner who respected me and understood my goals. Someone who was going to help me be the best version of me that I could be.

I was worthy of love, and I was worthy of being loved. But I guess the question was, who was going to love me like that?

Who was going to love a teenage mom? A girl with a psychotic ex-boyfriend who had leaked her nudes?

That was a lot of baggage that I was quite sure nobody wanted to carry. I didn't even want to carry it anymore.

So although I knew I deserved a timeless, never-ending love, I didn't know if my person was out there.