Almost Lovers||H.S

Chapter 29

He used to sing me sweet melodies
He played me, made me believe it was real love
Sing me sweet melodies
But the day he did me wrong
The song couldn't go on and on and on
He would lie, he would cheat over syncopated beats
I was just his tiny dancer, he had control of my feet
Yes, when he came along, that's when I lost the groove
There was no song in the world to sing along or make me move

****

Allegra

I don't know if there's a good and a bad way to react to what happened to me, but I believe the one I decided to stuck with is in between the two.

I didn't drink my body weight in alcohol or cried my eyes out like I expected myself to do, but I took a few days off of work and parked myself in front of the TV screen, watching movie after movie as I ate whatever I felt like eating, which also included stuffing gherkins in mustard and ate them for breakfast along with coffee or ate a whole jar of Ben&Jerry's ice cream along with Cheetos.

Not the perfect diet, I know, but in the last days all I could think about was drown myself in food and shitty TV shows, going out of my flat only for Odi's walk and coming home right after it, trying to not bump into anyone because the last thing I wanted was to talk with my friends, Chris or even worse, him.

I'd like to say he listened to me and left me alone as I told him to, but it didn't happen.

He came by my flat, he called, texted, sent letters, flowers, food, sorry cards, I'm almost sure he spent the night outside my flat a couple of days ago, but not once I gave him the time to talk and explain.

I couldn't.

Hence why I deleted all our pics together, the texts we shared, blocked his number on my phone and then deleted it, just to be sure I wouldn't have been tempted to call him.

Mr Hottie is no longer part of my life. He will get the message one day or another and stop erasing me before I get a restraining order, maybe he will understand that since he seems in his element when it comes to the police.

See? I can even joke about it, I'm fine.

So fine that I pace around my flat with greasy, messy hair and dressed like a homeless, with more lays of clothing that I'd actually need in any normal situation because it doesn't matter if it's almost May and the temperature outside is raising, I'm always cold.

But I didn't cry and I'm not that desperate.

Mr Hottie is just a man, I can find plenty of normal men ready to take me to dates and treat me right. Men who don't hide their past and aren't shady as fuck. Hell, if I wanted to, I could go outside right now and come back with the first dude I find in the middle of the street.

Problem is I don't want to because I can't feel anything.

I've tried. I swear I tried to show a glimpse of emotion, something that would have told me I still have my sanity and that I'm still human but nothing arrived. The moment I got out of Harry's office building and came back home, I fall in some kind of trace. I didn't cry, I didn't shout, I didn't get angry.

I changed into baggy clothes, opened a bottle of wine and called Ronnie and Jace, and trust me, they got really mad after I told them what happened. Ronnie was ready to go beat the shit out of Mr- Harry, and Jace - who doesn't practice violence - wanted to go with her but I stopped them.