Almost Lovers||H.S

Chapter 23

"If you take too long to hit me back
I can't promise you how I'll react
But all I can say
Is at least I'll wait for you
Lately, I've been on a roller coaster
Tryna get a hold of my emotions
But all that I know is I need you close
And I'ma scream and shout for what I love
Passionate but I don't give no fucks
I admit that I'm a lil' messed up
But I can hide it when I'm all dressed up
I'm obsessive and I love too hard
Good at overthinking with my heart
How you even think it got this far?"

****

Allegra

Mr Hottie didn't reach out for me the days after my stunt at his house. Can you blame him? Because I can't.

I looked like a freak. A needy, insecure woman who clearly has a mental disorder of some sort.

It will be a fun story to tell to my grandaughters, though. One time grandma barged into one of her lover's house and made a fool out of her self, accusing him to be fucking his sister. Be smart, don't be like grandma. A good example not to follow, yeah?

I never felt so embarrassed in my whole life, it's like I have this giant, grey cloud of shame hanging over my head, following me wherever I go.

Never in my life, I thought I could do something like that, it's not in my personality to act like a prat and make scenes, I'm not that kind of person, yet, I let my insecurities and jealousy cloud my better judgement and let my friends talking me into doing something so stupid and childish.

And don't let me begin with the way I spoke to the poor woman. I acted like a petty bitch, my anger getting the best of me, that again, it's something I don't usually let happen.

I know how to keep my emotions at bay, I know how to act like a grown-up woman, I'm reasonable and realistic, I don't jump at conclusions.

Mr Hottie, though, has the power to make me feel things in my stomach. When he is involved it doesn't matter how much I want to think about my actions and be rational, I always end up having a gut reaction and mess everything up, making a fool out of myself.

My mood in the last few days has been under my shoes. I get up every day, take Odi out, go to work and when the clock hits four o'clock I take the tube back home and crawl under the duvet on my couch with a jar of ice-cream or a box of donuts. I think I gained a few pounds, I'm eating like a pig and I'm not going to my dance lesson. Sooner or later I will turn into a bear-woman, with hairy legs and armpits and a blobby tummy.

Charming.

Ronnie and Jace tried to come to my rescue, they both came to spend time with me, but the outcome was always the same. We ended up on my couch, with a bottle of wine and something to eat, usually watching Bridget Jones or Dirty dancing.

When I stumbled out of Mr Hottie house and climbed into the cab, there was a long moment of silence, in which I tried to understand what just happened while Jace and Ronnie kept staring at me. When I opened my mouth to speak, - I felt like throwing up all over again -, a quiet "Her name is Gemma, and she is his sister"  left my lips and both my friend's mouth felt slack open. Honestly, I thought one of them - Ronnie - would laugh at how much comical the situation was, but for my sake, she didn't.