The Twenty Year Itch

Part 9: More

Staring up into her eyes, I'm lost.

I don't know if it's happening to her- but my insides are on fire.

I feel nothing but her thumbs rubbing my cheeks and her fingers entangling themselves in my hair.

I don't take my eyes off of her- because so many times I had and it turned out to be just a dream.

Maybe I'm dreaming now.

But I don't want to risk waking up and her not being here.

"I always loved looking into your blue eyes..." her voice is ever so quiet and my thumbs keep massaging her hips. I can feel her bones through her skin. The small amount of body tissue she hasn't- isn't enough to pad it from me. "Like oceans I can get lost in."

"Want ta swim?" I quietly joke. Giggling quietly to herself, she softens her face even more and it's almost more sad than anything else.

"What are we doing, Tom?" Her voice is quiet and pleading. I don't know what to say. Do I be serious?

Or .

Joke with her.

I often don't know which she's looking for.

If I try to be serious and say something- she may regret it and I'll be unable to mend us.

But if I'm not- she could get upset and it's the same result.

She just looks at me- a small shiver running through my body and years of lying and hiding and running away come back to me.

"I'm such a coward..." I quietly say- hoping she doesn't hear me. I look away from her- now hoping she is just in fact a dream- so I don't have to risk anything. "And it's not fair."

Her hands slowly drop from my face and rest flat on my chest as she watches me curiously.

"If I'd've known one thing could change my life...I'd've never done it." I love at her waist beneath my hands and I wonder if her insides are twisting as tight as mine. Nerves coursing through them causing them to cramp and make one feel sick. "I've been dishonest with you...for nearly twenty years...I've been dishonest...with everyone."

I look up into her eyes and they rapidly search mine and her lip quivers uncontrollably.

"You were never like a sister to me...Emma..." Tears well in both our eyes and she shakes hard beneath my hands. "I lied....when I told you that...truth is..."

My breath catches in my throat and I try so hard to dislodge it's but it pinches my vocals.

"Truth is..." I'm so scared.

I've always been scared.

I've always ran away from the truth. Hoping it could never catch up.

But it has.

And I'm too tired to run any more.

"The truth is, Emma...I'm..."

"Hey! Knock knock!! Pizza's here. Broseph!!!"

Fuck.

Emma quickly gets off of my lap and runs down the hall- probably trying to find the bathroom.

Or maybe just embarrassed to be here.

Standing up, I find John and Ashley coming down the hallway with Pizza and my nephew, Dexter- who runs and gives me a big hug around my knees.

"Hi! Buddy!! How are you?" I hug him tight and kiss his head as I scoop him up.

"I'm good." The four year old says happily. "I like your new house."