The Twenty Year Itch

Part 11: What To Do?

I thought for a moment- that I might actually let her drive away.

That I would continue holding in my secret love for her.

That I would force myself to let her go.

I couldn't though.

No matter how much she may have deserved being set free of me- I couldn't bring myself to do it.

However, in the back of my head- as I stand here watching her sleep in my bed- I fear it's all temporary.

Circumstantial as always.

Leo is still in the picture.

The arsehole who doesn't deserve her.

It's five in the morning and I've yet to go to bed.

Watching over her- making sure I'm not dreaming...

I've never more free and light than I do right now.

"Mmm...are you going to come to bed? Or just stare..at me?" She tiredly and breathlessly says as she rolls over and repositions herself on her right side. Crawling in, I slide under the covers and face her. She looks so sweet and calm while she's asleep. So innocent and meek. There's about a foot between us where her hand lays. Picking it up I kiss each one of her fingers and rub my thumb over the back of it. "Mmm...I love you..."

Her whisper just barely breaches my ears, but it explodes in my heart.

"I love you more..." I quietly say back and a tired smile comes to her lips briefly before falling soundly off to sleep.

I want tonight to go on forever.

I want this moment to never die.

...

Did I just quote beautiful and the beast music?

Haha, I think I did.

Bloody Brilliant.

***Morning Time***

I don't know when I exactly fell asleep, but it had to be the most peaceful sleep I ever had. Stretching, I open my eyes and roll over to greet Emma with a morning kiss...but she isn't there.

No.

No, please tell me I wasn't dreaming.

Getting up out of bed quickly, I look in each room of the house and I don't find a trace of her anywhere.

Looking out the front window- there's no Jetta on the street.

The clenching in my chest tights and I can't breathe.

It...it wasn't...it didn't...

Oh God...

Oh God, my heart hurts.

Dropping to the wall underneath the window- I lose it.

Hyperventilating, I can't calm myself or my tears.

Last night didn't happen...

I imagined it...

Fuck!

Tearing at my hair, I hold it tight in my hands and rock a bit: trying to quell my stinging nerves that feel like little electric boots hitting my heart.

I might actually be having a heart attack.

I can't get this pressure off my chest and I can't find my breath.

It wasn't real...

It wasn't real...

Squeezing my eyes as tight as I can, I try to stop my tears from burning my face.