Bang Chan One Shots

Letting Go New Year's Eve

{Word Count: 1.4k+}

"Well, fifteen minutes left." You gave Chris a soft smile, tugging at the sleeves of the sweater he lent you. He didn't look at you, his eyes focused on your hands awkwardly messing with your sleeves. "Fifteen minutes..." He repeated

The two of you had broken up weeks ago, deciding to remain friends had turned out to be more painful than they two of you expected it to be despite the breakup being a mutual agreement.

"We don't have to stop being friends, you know that right? It's not too late to..." Your voice trailed off. "I think we both really need this space, it doesn't mean we won't never be friends again..." He took your hand into his, giving it a small squeeze before speaking again: "You'll be okay.. We will be okay."

Two weeks ago the two of you had the talk; agreeing that remaining friends was doing more damage than good. All of the love was still very much there, the two of you cared for one another more than anything else on this planet — but with your precious relationship tangling between your friendship the fine line between lovers and friends was constantly crossed and further prevented the two of you from ever properly moving on. With the new year right around the corner you both agreed that instead of going out with your friends you would spend it together one last time in your shared apartment who's lease was ending the first week of January. Spending one last time together and then saying goodbye (for now.)

"Ten minutes." You looked at the clock, wanting to freeze time forever and never have to say goodbye to Chris. "Are you scared?" Chris asked, he was still holding your hand tightly. You nodded, feeling the lump in your throat increase. "Me too." His voice was barely a whisper, "I'm terrified." This time you were the one to squeeze his hand, "What are you terrified of?"

He took a deep breath, readjusting himself on the couch. "I am so scared you are going to forget me, Y/N."

You let out an airy laugh, a tear rolling down your cheek as you did. "How could you think such a thing?" You looked over at him, "I could never forget you."

He glanced up at you, wiping the tear from your cheek with his free hand still clinging on to your hand with the other. "And if you do?"

You shook your head, "I won't."

He smiled, it was a soft smile paired with sad eyes that were red and puffy. "But if you do meet someone else I would want you to forget me, I don't want to hold you back from being able to love again." His soft smile stayed the entire time.

You shook your head again, "I don't want to meet anyone else."
- "You might."
"I don't want to."
- "And is you do?"
"I'll tell them to go away."

He chuckled, giving your hand another squeeze. "I'm letting you go so you can let me go too, y/n... Even if it does mean meeting new people. I want you to be happy."

"You make me happiest." You protested, reality started to sink in — after tonight you and Chris were going to become strangers...

"We're toxic together." He let go of your hand.
"I know." You whimpered. throwing your head back onto the couch, more tears fell down your face.

No more words were exchanged, Chris grabbed you and held you tightly to his chest, kissing the top of your head multiple times while you subbed into his chest. You could feel him crying silently too as his kisses slowly stopped.

"One more minute." He coughed out.

"Can I kiss you one more time?" You asked, pulling away from his chest and looking at his eyes that were filled with tears. "One more kiss?" He asked. You nodded, pressing your forehead against his "yeah, just one more kiss."

He pressed his lips against yours, cupping your face as he did. "In another life time then, loser." He whispered against your lips. "In another lifetime.." You whispered back, kissing him one more time.

The clock struck twelve, signifying the start of the new year. You pulled away from him reluctantly, "Maybe another life time is a few years from now... Where I'm a little older and mature and you're not so busy and ready to be loved."

"Maybe..." He replied, "I hope so."

"I'm going to miss you so much." You whispered, you didn't know why you were whispering but maybe it was because you were afraid to start crying even more if you raised your voice.

"I'm going to miss you too, so much" He whispered back, pressing his forehead against yours. "But maybe with time it'll get easier to deal with all of this miss and hurt, and maybe we will heal, and maybe we will meet again."

"I hope our paths do cross again, when we are both ready" You closed your eyes, letting the tears drop down your face as he cupped it in between his hands. "I will wait for you till the end of time, I hope you know that."

"I have to go now.." You whispered softly.
- "Stay... Just for tonight."

You thought about it, you thought of spending the night here tangled with Chris one more time on the couch the two of you once shared — you thought of kissing him all throughout the night and telling him just how much you loved him, you thought about how if you stayed the night the two of you would magically be ready to date again... But then you thought about how much more painful it would be to let go if you did stay the night, how greedy you are and how you would want to make breakfast and lunch and dinner and spend another night.. How this new year was meant for the two of you finally let one another go instead of clinging on to small "what if"s and "if only"s...

"I have to go..." You said again.

He didn't argue back, he let go of your face understanding that this really was goodbye.

"If we don't meet again, I wanted to say that I loved you more than anything and anyone in my entire life and I will never love anyone else like the way I loved you... A part of you will always be with me, Chris. And a piece of my soul is now yours so please take care of it. I'm going to miss you for forever and I'll forever search for you in every single person I meet and I promise to work on myself every day from here on out in hopes of being a better person for you some day and I'll pray and beg the universe every night for us to reunite when we are both ready... But if we don't meet again, and this is goodbye for forever and not just for now — please remember that I love you."

He stayed silent for a moment, processing the words you just said before forming his own thoughts. "I will wait for you. I will wait and I won't ever change my phone number if you ever need to call please do. And I'll always be wondering about you, and I'll always be joking wherever you are that you are okay and well and that most of all that you are happy - oh my gosh I want you to be happy even if that's without me in the photo. I hope you find whatever it is you're searching for in life and that you find peace and happiness in your own company. I love you, I have never loved anyone like I loved you, and for that my heart is ALWAYS going to be with you. I hope we do meet again, let that be in a year or a whole decade... I'll be waiting for you at the finish line, and I will always be rooting for you... Always."

The both of you were in tears by the end of the statement, "I love you." You whispered, "I am leaving now. Thank you Chris, I hope our paths cross again some day...."

"Me too.." You heard him whisper as you turned towards the door. Not looking back at Chris who was sitting on the couch with his face buried in his hands wasn't the hardest part. The hardest part was walking back home in the cold trying not to burst out crying while watching everyone around you celebrated the new year... You walked for maybe five minutes before you fell to your knees on the sidewalk and started sobbing, and starting the new year — the rest of your life — without Chris was going to be hard.

Author's Note: Happy New Year, babies. I had taken an extended hiatus for personal reasons but I should be (trying) to get back on track now... Though I am a lot busier these days, I'm trying to find the time this New Year to continue to do the things I love. Obviously this chapter was a little personal... I hope anyone going through a similar situation in which you had to let go heals and finds happiness once more. But overall — I wish everyone a real good 2021 and hope that this year brings you all happiness. - Les