The 16 Step Plan To Become Sirius Lupin

Step 13: Heartbreak

A/N: sorry...

It was the worst day of his entire fucking life.

He had thought that being a werewolf and having to transform once a month was the most painful thing he would ever have to go through, but he was sorely mistaken. This was the most painful thing.

One minute he had been sitting in Minerva's living room, having tea with her, Poppy, and Maria, and the next he got the most terrible news of his entire life. He dropped his tea cup, not caring that it shattered when it hit the ground.

It was one thing to hear that there had been an attempted murder on two of your best friends and their child.

It was another thing to hear that the murderer was none other than your boyfriend.

Remus couldn't move. He couldn't hear or see. He just sat there, staring at the letter in his shaking hands. He vaguely heard Minerva asking what was the matter and felt Poppy take the letter out of his hands. He barely even registered it when Maria sat next to him and put an arm around his shoulders. He couldn't even talk to Asteria, who had been called in to see if he would communicate.

This was the worst pain he had ever been in.

Of course there was the good news that Lord Voldemort had been killed in the attempt at murder and the Potters had survived, but Sirius had betrayed him. Sirius had betrayed all of them. And he killed Peter in the process.

Poor innocent Peter, never hurt anyone unless there was serious reason to.

This, Remus had decided, was the single worst day of his life.

~~✩☽~~

Sirius stood in shock in the front hallway of the Potters' house. His best friend lay motionless on the floor in front of him.

"Oh no oh no oh no fuck no Merlin please say the protective spells worked..." Sirius shakily pulled his wand out of his sleeve and muttered the spell that would put the reversal charms into effect. James continued to lay motionless. Sirius broke down.

"Fuck it's all my fault. I killed them. They're dead because of me. I did this. Fuck." He dropped his head into his hands and crumpled to the ground, shaking with sobs.

"Thank you for the confession, Mr. Black. You will now be taken into custody of the Ministry of Magic under charges of murder and association with you-know-who." A voice said behind him. Sirius froze, made a split second decision, then ran up the stairs, ministry officials chasing him.

"Lily, Lily please be ok! Harry, are you alive? Oh thank Merlin you're alive." Sirius kissed the top of the crying baby's head. "Lily? Lily, love, please wake up. Lily?" The nursery door broke down and Sirius made a run for it.

He jumped out the window, landing on his flying motorcycle, and chased after Peter, letting his odd sense of knowing where his best friends were at all times guide him. He landed on a random muggle street and saw Peter at the end.

"YOU!" He shouted at Peter and ran after him. "YOU TRAITOR! THEY'RE DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

Peter cowered in the corner that Sirius had backed him into. There was a crowd of muggles surrounding them now.

"I-I h-had no c-choice." Peter slipped his wand out of his sleeve. "What would you have done?"

"I WOULD HAVE DIED BEFORE I BETRAYED MY FRIENDS!" Sirius pointed his wand at Peter's neck, prepared to hurt him the way he had hurt the Potters, but Peter disappeared. All that remained where he was standing was a finger.