AFTER YOU SAVED ME // ZESSA

Chapter 23: Pain

Tessa's POV

I feel like I have been locked in this room for years, though I am guessing it has been closer to about 3 weeks since I was taken; it is almost impossible to track the days without any sunlight in this room.

"Anna," I call out, my ear pressed to the cold metal door as I sit cross legged beside it.

There is no answer – though I have not stopped trying for days.

The last thing I heard was her screaming at Dan, though I could not make out the words. Dan likes to blast some horrible screamo music when he comes down each day, probably so we cannot hear each other's conversations.

I remember the last words she said were something like, "you can't do this," or "how can you do this," then nothing.

Up until then, we had talked through the door every so often throughout the day, though she told me he was giving her some sort of drug that makes her sleep. Because of that, I could only hear her a few hours each day when she was not sedated.

Anna would ask me about the babies, how I felt, if I was holding up okay. I did not realize how nice it was having her, even just through a wall, until she was gone.

Now I am living in complete hell, isolated and in constant pain. The bone near my eye and cheek still hurts, though the dull pain is a pleasant distraction from the searing agony of my ankle, which is now a horrible purple and yellow color. I have not been able to stand on it since the day I attacked Dan and tried to escape, calling Zed before I was kicked in the face. I do not even know if Zed heard me.

Oh, Zed.

Just thinking about him brings tears to my eyes. Thinking about the life we should have lived together, the happiness these babies would have brought him – brought us. We could have been a family. I wish I could go back in time and embrace the idea of motherhood and being Zed's forever when I had the chance.

Looking down at my extremely swollen belly, I can't help but give it a sad smile and a gentle pat. They are the only ones I have now – Zed's biological DNA or not.

I did not expect to feel this way about them – the twins. I was so angry at them at first. I blamed them for me being locked in here. I almost did something so horrible it pains me to think of... But I was just so furious. This was not the life I was supposed to have. I was supposed to be finishing my internship, getting straight A's in college, and just doing normal things! I should be watching Netflix with my boyfriend and going to parties and crying over how stressful final exams are, not locked in some basement prison!

So, with all that rage I grabbed the thin, lone stick I found at the edge of the wall under a clump of dirt and dust and placed it at the entrance of my birth canal.

I had planned to break my own water, just get the babies out – no matter how early they were – and hand them to Dan. I only wanted to be out this place, this situation; I wanted the reason for my suffering to be out of my body and my life.

But right before I did, I felt a hard kick. A kick so jolting it nearly knocked the wind out of my diaphragm. I know it sounds weird, but it was like they knew what I was about to do and were begging for me to stop.

I instantly started crying, sobbing actually. When Anna woke up a while later, I told her what I almost did and we both sobbed together. She begged me not to do it again, because it could kill me as well and she did not want to be left alone.

Dan must have heard us though, because when I woke the next day the stick was gone, and so was the anger I felt towards the innocent lives in my womb.

Now Dan does not even come in here, instead opening the door just a crack to throw in an occasional sandwich and bottled water. He screams at me to face the wall whenever he comes, forcing me to drag myself across the damp, dirty floor. Yet, I am grateful he does. I have not seen that monster's face in weeks – which is probably the only reason I am able to keep down the little food he gives me.

Though I can never keep it all down. By nighttime, or what I think is nighttime, the vicious waves of nausea slam my body. Without my nausea pills, I have been getting sick every night.

Dan has told me I will have to live with it as punishment for trying to escape.

I have lost a lot of weight, have not bathed since being here, and am still in the same clothes. I am treated like I am nothing. It feels that way now, too. The only hope I have is that Zed is coming. That anyone is coming. And that Anna is not dead like I suspect. The grief I felt losing Hanya last summer racks my soul, and I feel myself start to lose it.

I close my eyes, thinking of all the people I wish I could see again. Hanya, Anna, Zed, Landon... my mom...even Hardin...

"Anna," I yell out once more, my voice raw and defeated, straining hard to hear any sign of life beyond this metal door.

Nothing. A strangled sob rips through my chest as I cling to my pregnant belly, crying for what feels like an eternity.

I must have fallen asleep against like that, because when I open my eyes, I feel the familiar sensation of impending vomit building in my chest.

Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and concentrate on not puking in front of the door I am leaning against – Dan would be furious.

Clawing my way to the "sick corner" as I call it, using only my good leg to propel me along, I brace myself for a torrent of retching.

But that is not what happens.

Instead, the intense feeling almost shifts, going down towards the top of my stomach. A powerful cramping sensation takes over the entirety of my belly – encompassing it in an iron grip of pain.

I can hardly even breathe through it, but as soon as the pain started – it is gone.

That was weird.

Catching my breath and realizing I will not be sick just yet, I drag myself over to what is left of my cot – seeing as Dan took the legs after I hit him over the head with one.

Lying down on the thin material, my bottom and back touching the ground as the cot sags, I try to just relax. However, after another maybe 10 minutes go by, the intense cramping starts again. It feels as though the skin around my belly is tight as leather, and my organs are crushing in on themselves.

I groan in pain, rolling over onto my hands and knees, moving in any way I can to make my body stop its horrid muscle contractions.

And then, the pain is gone again.

What the fuck is going on? Was it something in the sandwich? Why are my muscles contracting like...

My eyes go wide as I immediately start hyperventilating.

No, this could not be... labor.