AFTER YOU SAVED ME // ZESSA

Chapter 5: Helping Hardin

"Hardin," I whisper. I can barely keep it together, my voice shaking as I look into Hardin's defeated eyes.

"Sir, you need to lie down. We are going to take care of you. Do you know what substance was in the syringe in your arm?" asks the taller paramedic.

"I'm fine. Get this shit off me," Hardin yells back, trying to sit up. He struggles against the paramedics while attempting to rip the blood pressure cuff from his arm. However, due to his obvious lack of energy, I watch as the paramedics easily guide him back down to the ground.

"Hardin is it? You need to lie down. You were nearly dead a few minutes ago and must go to the hospital. John, radio in that we'll be coming to Memorial," the blonde paramedic says to the taller one, pushing harder against Hardin as the other paramedic, John I guess, runs towards the ambulance.

"I'm not going anywhere. Get your fucking hands off me. I'm fine," Hardin yells back, his eyes somehow more bloodshot than before as the vein in his forehead nearly pops.

I am not surprised he is acting like this – even though I am almost positive he just overdosed. This is very "Hardin" and I can see he has not changed much since I saw him last.

"Hardin," I say sternly, "You need to go with them."

Hardin looks up, his eyes still filled with rage as they meet with mine. I notice the color coming back to his skin, the reds of his cheeks brightening in either anger or maybe embarrassment. Then, I see something in his expression waiver. Just for a moment, his eyes soften as they scan my face.

"Fine, then. I will fucking go with you, but I'm not getting on that God damn stretcher," he retorts angrily, looking away from us as the paramedics exchange relieved glances.

I let out a breath I did not know I was holding, pleased that he has agreed, for once, to do what is best for him.

I watch Hardin struggle to get up, the paramedic named John even offering his hand to Hardin. Surprisingly, Hardin takes it, his balance still extremely unsteady as some of the color fades from his face upon standing up. He really must be feeling awful to accept help from anyone.

"Well that's a shocker. I didn't even know he was back," Zed mutters next to me.

I nod slightly, still staring at Hardin as he climbs into the back of the ambulance and sits on the stretcher, his face once again resuming its usual frustrated frown.

Without looking away from Hardin, I answer Zed. "I had no idea he was using drugs. Not that kind at least," I whisper, my eyes scanning back down to Hardin's bruised inner arm, the blood from the syringe still present on his skin.

"I mean, it is Hardin, but even I'm shocked he would get this bad," Zed answers. He takes my hand as we watch the ambulance doors shut. I can still see Hardin staring at me through the glass, and what I think is a tear falling from his face.

I mouth the word bye, raising my free hand and waving it ever so slightly as I feel a part of my heart break that I thought I shut off forever ago.

Hardin just looks away.

As the ambulance drives off, I am once again left feeling gutted. This is all too much. Way too much. Why can't I just have a normal life like every other student on this campus?

And why does part of me still obviously care for Hardin after all this time?

-

By the time we get home and settled, it is dark out. The campus is quiet these days, with spring break over and finals looming over everyone. We decided to go through the Panera drive-thru and get some warm soup and bread, along with a few other comfort items to get through the rest of this insane day.

Sitting on my bed, Zed studying next to me on his laptop, I try my best to take my mind off today's events by putting on my favorite movie – The Vow.

Sipping my broccoli cheddar soup, I do my best to concentrate on Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, but my mind keeps drifting back to Hardin. How he looked so helpless lying there. How it felt when he said my name for the first time in months...

How can I possibly still feel anything for him after everything that's happened? After knowing he does hard drugs. After how completely awful he was to me and the horrific situations I was put in because of him.

Honestly, if it weren't for him, I could be living a normal life right now. Not debating whether I should abort this baby or not. A baby that was probably a product of rape.

I feel my brows furrow and blood boil at the thought of that man... Dan. I see flashbacks of his vile, lying, worthless self, staring at me from the witness booth, and I nearly gag.

Oh, and why did I get tangled up in that situation? Because Hardin screwed him over, just like he screwed me over, except this time me messed with the wrong guy. And that guy took it out on me.

Just as I feel myself getting worked up, I hear my phone ring.

Unknown Number flashes on the screen.

Zed looks over at my screen, his expression slightly confused but also a bit curious, much how I feel about these calls.

Wondering if it could be about Hardin, I answer.

"Hello?" I ask cautiously into the phone.

"Tessa? It's me, Karen," answers a comforting voice.

Hardin's stepmother? I have not heard from her since Hardin and his parents cut me off all those months ago.

"Uh – hi," I say awkwardly, still reeling from her unexpected call.

"I heard what you did for Hardin today, I had to call and say thank you. We know how much he has hurt you, and you had no reason to stop and save him today," she says, her voice cracking slightly.

"Oh, I mean, I just couldn't let him... I would do it for anyone," I say back timidly.

"I know you would Tessa. You have always been so great. I thought you should know Hardin will be going into a rehab facility as a requirement to come back to campus next year. He is getting the help he needs."

"So, he – he's umm. He's coming back to school?" I ask, sitting up suddenly and setting my soup on the nightstand. Zed looks on at me, concern all over his face, as he places an arm around my shoulder and scoots closer to listen.

"Yes. We know you have a restraining order so he can't come back to campus until it is expired. But do not worry Tessa, Hardin has agreed never to see you again. He will not bother you. We just, we want our son back," she answers honestly. I can tell she is crying.

"I understand. Can I ask what area he will be staying by? I would like to avoid him as much as I can – for the both of us. All of us, including you and your family, really." Though I am not happy to hear Hardin is coming back, I understand that his family has missed him and wants him back in their life. Plus, he still needs to graduate.

"Oh, he will be living off campus with a friend. Near 8th and Gregory Drive. He is staying with...what was her name... Oh, Molly," she answers.