AFTER YOU SAVED ME // ZESSA

Chapter 12: An Apology

I debate answering, knowing it would once again directly break the restraining order I have against Hardin... Wait.

Quickly riffling through my black backpack on my bed, my phone still buzzing away, I find the folded-up piece of paper I was in search of.

There at the top of the page it reads: void as of August 22nd.

Today is the 23rd. There is no more restraining order.

Knowing my phone will go to voicemail any second, I make the rash decision to answer it.

"Hello," I say into the phone, my voice dry as I clear my throat.

"Hello Tessa, it's me... uh, Hardin," I hear the smooth British voice reply on the other end.

"I um – I know," I answer, swallowing hard, waiting to hear what it is he has to say.

"Oh, okay. I didn't know if you had blocked my old number. Landon told me you got a new phone and agreed to let me call you after a couple hours of convincing," he continues, sounding somewhat... nervous. Very un-Hardin like.

I need to give Landon a piece of my mind. For someone who claims to be my good friend, he has some nerve to sell my new number out to Hardin.

"Did you need something Hardin?" I ask, a bit frustrated with myself for answering in the first place. Hardin never has anything good to say, and if he does, he takes it all back the second he gets upset.

"Sorry. Yeah, uh... I wanted to call to apologize," he says finitely.

My eyes go wide as my mind is thrown off guard. Hardin? Apologize? I must be having a pregnancy fever dream or something.

"If that's okay," he continues. "I want to apologize for how I treated you. And for putting you in such dangerous situations due to my selfishness. I'm sorry for letting my alcoholism come between us and for that night you hurt your arm. Well, you didn't really hurt it, I take full responsibility for that and I'm sorry."

My breath catches in my throat as I stand there in disbelieve. I am utterly stunned. This is not the Hardin Scott I know. This is a mature adult owning up to his mistakes. I can barely breath, let alone speak, as my mind tries to wrap itself around the reality of this phone call.

"I'll never forgive myself for what happened to you because of Dan. Because of me. Just know I believed you – when I read your testimony. And I am so sorry you had to experience that," he says, his voice cracking. I can hear the genuine pain in his tone, the tremble of his words piercing an old part of my heart I thought I'd shut out months ago.

"I don't, I don't know what to say, Hardin," I whisper, still processing everything he's told me.

Just then, I hear an impatient honking from the driveway below. Annoyed at my mother's obvious displeasure with the amount of time I am taking, I quickly set down my phone, open the rickety wooden window next to my bed, and stick my head outside.

"Will you give me one freaking second mother!" I yell, slamming the window shut before I can hear her response.

Picking the phone back up, I hear Hardin ask, "What did you say?"

"Nothing," I reply, slightly winded. "Go on."

"Um, alright," he says, vaguely confused. "Well, I also called to thank you."

I squint my eyes, trying to rack my brain for what he is talking about. We haven't talked in months and I've done my darndest to keep it that way, refusing to even let my thoughts linger on him when they drift into my brain late at night.

After a moment of silence, he blurts out, "For saving my life. That day you found me."

Shaking my head at the now obvious reason, I say, "Oh. Yeah. Of course, I mean... I couldn't let you just... you know." I let my voice fade, not wanting to even mention his near death.

"You saved me, Theresa. I would have over-dosed if you and... Zed, hadn't found me," he murmurs. I hear a slight ring of annoyance at the mention of Zed's name but choose to ignore it, not wanting to start a fight after our first good interaction in about 7 months.

"I got into some pretty bad fucking stuff after we ended. I behaved recklessly and it almost cost me my life. Thankfully, people like you and my family cared enough to get me the help I needed. I actually just got out of rehab a couple weeks ago. Can't say I enjoyed it but it did something. Anyways, we were supposed to make amends to the people we hurt while under the influence, or whatever. I couldn't call you until the uh, restraining order ran out. Which is why I called you today," he says anxiously.

"Oh. Well, thank you Hardin. I never expected this. You apologizing and getting help, I mean. I'm happy you're doing better," I admit, sitting on the bed and once again gnawing at the inside of my cheek, my mind racing.

"I know you probably still want nothing to do with me, but I just had to tell you. I am sorry for reaching out and I'll keep my distance from now on. Even on campus, since I have to finish the semester I missed last year," he says cautiously.

"Oh. You'll be back," I say surprised. "Okay. That's fine," I lie, not wanting to tell him where I'll be living, the ghosts of our past still very much haunting me.

"Yes. I'll be staying with Molly off campus so we shouldn't cross paths," he admits, sounding very guilty for some reason.

Of course, I know the reason. I despise Molly and do not think she will be a good influence on Hardin at all, especially when it comes to drinking. But that is no longer my problem.

Standing with a huff, I peer out the window just as I see my mother slam the truck door and make her way inside.

"Great. Then we definitely won't see each other. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about, Hardin, I actually have to get going," I say, sounding obviously annoyed.

"No that's all. I hope you can forgive me one day, Tessa," he admits, his voice solemn but urning.

"I hope so, too," I answer, hanging up the phone as my mother bursts through the door.

"Are we going or –" my mother yells, stopping once she eyes the phone in my hand. "Who was that?" she asks enquiringly.

"No one. A spam caller. We can go now," I say, and storm out of the door behind her.