Black Beauty | Kylo Ren x Reader

Thirteen

Days had passed since the moment you found Ben sobbing on the ground... and days had passed since you last saw him. You had stayed with him again that following night, but after that, it was like he suddenly disappeared.

He ate alone, continued to train without telling you, and basically stayed locked up in his room. The only one allowed in was a droid that brought him his food. You tried asking to see him, but every time you knocked, there was no answer.

You wonder what it was... Had the voice in his head become more prominent? Was he believing whatever it said? You had hoped not, you wanted to see him, to make sure he was okay...

Ben would check up on you every now and then, in moments you wouldn't notice. He knew you had someone watching you so he made sure that he at least kept an eye out, but from afar. He couldn't get too close, his fears were becoming worse.

No matter how much you tried to reach him, he avoided you... and it was breaking your heart. It was hurting.

Sitting with his legs crossed before the balcony windows of his room, Ben was uneasy. His eyes were droopy and the bags beneath them were becoming more prominent. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't have silence, he feared the voice reaching out again. Every time he lied down, he could feel the unwanted reach of the darkness that lurked in the deepest parts of his mind.

He couldn't seem to sleep still, his nerves were everywhere as his anxiety were at an all time high. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw death. Your death. No matter how much he tried to clear his mind and find peace within himself, it failed. It just kept getting worse and worse. He was losing all control as the days were passing by and he couldn't stabilize himself.

If he couldn't find his center and focus on the Force and his instincts, being hindered by his night terrors, he knew he couldn't protect you. Especially not after waking up with his hand around your neck. Just the thought irked him.

Dear child...

Shaking his head and biting down, Ben took in a deep breath. He pushed it away, far away—as he always had—but with every push, it felt he was the one sinking into quicksand rather than freeing himself from the voice.

Standing from his spot and looking out at the moonlight, Ben felt his heart heavy in his chest. He missed you, he wanted to hold you and be held by you. All he wanted to do was to love you freely... but he knew he couldn't have that. Not anymore. His night terrors became visions and no matter what, they all ended with you dead in his arms. He couldn't handle it, too many sleepless nights, too many what if's... too many toxic and dreadful thoughts in his mind.

He couldn't stay, he couldn't keep himself locked up forever. He had to leave, he had to flee. Running away was the only answer for this. If he stayed far away from you, you no longer would be in danger. You would be free of him and the inevitable darkness that followed.

As much as it hurt him, and as much as it hurt knowing it would destroy you, Ben pulled on his robe and swiftly left his room. Almost in a sprint, he briskly made his way towards the hangar. At an hour like this, this late in the night, Ben knew this was his only chance to leave. To have nothing stop him.

He had to run away and never look back.

But then his heart sank as he heard whimpering. Ben turned and saw you standing behind him, a small distance away. "You have been avoiding me," you cried, "and now you are abandoning me?" Feeling your bottom lip tremble, you shook your head. "I thought you loved me..."

"Princess..." Ben whispered.

"I love you so much, Ben. No matter what. I just want to help you, okay? No ma— matter what it takes," you stuttered. "If only you would just let me in..."

Seeing you step forward, Ben gulped, hearing your begs for him to stay. He turned quickly in his spot, but it was too late, you had seen his face.

"B— Ben?" You frowned, rushing over and standing before him. You eyed him and quickly cupped his face, seeing how pale he had become. The darkness around his eyes and the clear signs of deterioration. What had he done to himself? And why was he pushing you so far away when all you wanted to do was help him. "Please... Please, stay..." you begged, caressing his cheeks with your thumb, looking into his eyes with desperation.

Feeling his body tremble as his eyes brimmed with tears, Ben leaned forward and leaned his forehead against your shoulder. His body began to violently shake as whimpers were heard, followed by loud sobs as his tears stained your skin. Feeling your arms wrap around him and hold him tight, Ben did the same with you, bringing you into his chest and trying so hard to remember the good that you are. To remind himself that you were all he ever wanted and would protect you, no matter what the darkness said.

"I will always be here for you, always," you said, kissing his head. "Come with me."

Feeling you take his hand, Ben took in a deep, shaky breath before letting you lead the way. As much as he wanted to leave, he knew he couldn't. He couldn't bare separating himself from you... even if matters were becoming worse.

But maybe you were right, maybe you could. Maybe if he stayed around you more and realized that with you by his side, all would be well. The voice would try to haunt him but he'd simply look at you and know you'd love him forever.

Still, deep down... the fear of hurting you lurked.

You brought him back to your chambers and into your washroom. Letting go of his hand, you set up your tub with warm water and a calming bath mixture for him to relax in. Sitting on the edge and running your hand through the water, you stood back up and turned towards Ben, undressing him before undressing yourself.

Taking his hands in yours, you guided him to the bath, bringing him in with you before you sat down first. Tugging at him, Ben sat down in between your legs. Leaning his back into your chest, you brought your hands into his hair and gently began to massage his scalp, carefully rubbing your nails against it. Kissing his shoulder, you softly spoke up, "you mean so much to me... I just want nothing but for you to be free from it all. To be happy, to find inner peace. No matter what it takes... Even if it means running away together."

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A/N: As sad as it is, I kind of love going into the depths of my version of Ben's turn and how he was always supposed to be good but he was manipulated... Anyway, who doesn't love some heartbreaking angst? Also, that last line?!

Gentle reminder to checkout my other story "The Light is Coming," a take on the sequel era with my own twist and OC as the lead! It's been a few years in the making and it took a lot of courage to share when not many people read Kylo/Ben x OC content. Please, give it a try, I would be grateful for it!

Your comments and feedback are much appreciated! Don't forget to save this story in your library for update notifications! 🖤