So it goes [Breakable Heaven #1]

2. I just might be a vampire

Sundays are the worst.

During the week, I can almost trick myself into believing that everything's fine, that my whole life hasn't crumbled down, that I still have a future I'm working hard to build, a plan. Every day is the same as it used to be, with lessons to prepare, lessons to teach, chats with this or that colleague. It starts getting harder in the evening, when I drive back home, fix myself something to eat and try not to think about Lilian, our endless Skype calls in which we used to tell each other everything about our day, or simply watch a movie together as if there weren't almost six thousand miles between us. But I manage. Luckily, the school closes quite late in the evening, so I only have a few hours from when I get home to when I fall asleep. Sleeping is easy, because in my dreams Lilian is still in my life - the most important part of it, really - and for those precious hours everything is alright.

But Sundays are unbearable. Too many hours, too little work to be done.

It's the first weekend since I've got back, I worked all Saturday - the school is closed but I had a lot of lessons to prepare - but today... it's like time is frozen. I woke up quite early, because last night I went to sleep a little before midnight, and I've spent the first part of my morning cleaning the apartment, music blasting loud from my earbuds to cover the noise of the vacuum cleaner and of my thoughts. Jean is finally coming home tonight, but her plane won't land until eight pm, which leaves me with nine hours of boredom and futile attempts not to replay in my head every single second of the last year, wondering when and where it all started to go to shit.

I haven't cried since Lilian and I broke up. Not a single tear, not even before the big confrontation, when things were still a little uncertain. It's so untypical of me, as I've always been quite an emotional person, shedding tears not just for every fight Lil and I had, but also for books, movies, tv series, and don't even get me started on songs. Basically, I've always been an emotional mess. But it's different this time. It's like everything inside of me has been frozen, and I don't know what could happen if that ice started melting, nor I particularly want to find out. If my tear ducts have decided to stop working, there must be a good reason, and that's why I'm scared of all this time I have ahead of me today, alone at what I've come to consider my home, surrounded by everything that has been part of my everyday life for a couple of years, and it all reminds me of Lilian, even if she has never actually lived here, only visited. This is all that's left of my life, and she isn't part of it anymore.

I need to get out of here, so I don't have to see it. I don't have to see the bed where we used to sleep when she came visit me, or the kitchen counter where we made love while we were trying to cook, or the couch where we binge-watched Xena, the Warrior Princess. I can't stand the memories flashing back.

So I pack myself some lunch, a towel, my sunscreen, and I head out to the Jardines de Chapina. I don't know why I think that spending my afternoon in a park in a suffocating heat might help, but that's all I can come up with today, and it's still better than being home alone. I have a nice playlist titled "songs that don't make me think of She-who-must-not-be-named" and a book about badass black women who worked at Nasa in the late 1940s, so I think I'll be able to keep my mind off dangerous topics.

Despite the heat, the park is full of people. I walk and walk, looking for a nice spot to sit down, preferably under a tree so I can be in the shade. I finally find a place that could do, right next to where another girl is lying down, soaking in all the sun. I'm about to curse my bad luck of having another person sitting way too close to where I would like to sit, then I realize who the girl is.

"Rory, are you trying to break the record for the most tanned person in Seville?" I ask, then I notice she's listening to music from her phone and I wonder if she heard me.

She did. She takes the earbuds off and a surprised smile appears on her face. "Sasha! What are you doing here?"

"Same as you, I guess."

She lowers her sunglasses, her eyes roaming up and down my very pale body, and she giggles.

"Somehow I doubt that. Are you actually one hundred percent sure you're not a vampire? I'm kind of surprised you even show up in pictures."

"Well, at least I don't glow like Li-" I abruptly interrupt the sentence there. On my way to the park I had a nice talk with myself and I promised I wasn't going to think about Lilian at all today. Two minutes into the park and this conversation, and I was already about to break that promise. Go me!

"Nevermind," I wave my hand to make the sore topic go away. "You know what? I just might be a vampire... you'd better be careful, cause one day I might decide to bite your neck and drink your blood."
She laughs. "Darling, have you met me? My blood probably tastes as stinging as my remarks do."

I laugh, too, and it almost sounds weird coming out of my mouth, because it's a sound I haven't heard in months. I haven't cried, true, but I haven't laughed either, until now. Deciding to leave my apartment was definitely a good idea, and I am kind of glad I ran into Rory.

"So, are you going to sit down anytime soon? Because you're sort of standing in my sun," she points out and pats to a spot next to where she's sitting that is surprisingly in the shade. That's where she had put down her purse, her water bottle, and what looks like her packed lunch.

Spending the day with the Trybrid Bitch isn't exactly what I had in mind when I left my apartment, but suddenly it feels like a really good idea. At least chatting with someone will help me take my mind off my broken heart.

"If you don't mind the company..." I say, not wanting to impose my presence just because we randomly ran into each other.

"Not at all," she reassures me, and wraps the earbud cord around her phone before she puts it back into her purse.

I take her up on her offer and place my beach towel next to hers, so that I can be in the shades, then I start applying yet another layer of sunscreen, protection one hundred. When Rory reads the number of the protection on the bottle, she bursts out laughing.

"Are you for real? I thought people from California were all like blonde hair and super tanned skin!"

I shrug and point at my blonde hair that I'm wearing up in a messy bun. "At least I got one right. Now, are you gonna spend the whole day making fun of my visible lack of melanin? Cause it sounds like a pretty boring topic. Why don't you tell me all about Tenerife?"

So she starts recounting her vacation and time goes by quickly. When lunchtime rolls around, we take out the packed lunch we prepared - salad for Rory, sandwich with jamón serrano for me - and we make a picnic out of it.

It's the first time Rory and I spend time alone outside of work, and I must admit that it's pretty pleasant. She's smart and funny, sassy just the way I like it, and chatting with her comes just as easily as it does when we're having a cigarette break in between lessons. For those few hours that I spend in her company at the park, I almost forget about my sorrows.

Around five in the afternoon Rory and I walk out of the park together, since we have found out we parked pretty close to each other, and once we reach her car we say goodbye and part ways. And now I have to face what I've been dreading the whole day: my trip to the airport to pick Jean up.

I can't help but think that no later than five months ago I was there to wait for Lilian, and that was the last time we were together and in love.

I would honestly spare myself that experience, but I don't want Jean to waste money on a taxi, so I'm gonna toughen up and go, pretending it doesn't hurt like hell. Besides, I kind of feel like I have to do it, that sooner or later I'll have to face all my demons, and this seems like an ok place to start.