So it goes [Breakable Heaven #1]

23. I call bullshit

For the second time in one day, I feel like a stalker. I finish my lessons one hour before the school closes, so one hour before Rory can go home, and for this reason, I decide to wait for her in my car, while risking pneumonia for the cold. Alright, it's not THAT cold, but it's still six degrees while I sit in a car, and I am still a California girl who can't stand anything below twenty-two degrees. Yes, I could have waited inside, I could have made up whatever reason for not getting the hell away from the school the moment my last lesson was over, but I didn't want to give Rory the heads up so that she could run away again like she did yesterday.

She will talk to me tonight, whether she likes it or not.

I am still really mad about her ratting me out to the director, because it could have ended up in me being fired and losing my visa. All is fair in sex and war, I've said it once and I stand by it, but there are some lines that shouldn't be crossed, and toying with someone's life is one of those lines. Rory knows what I've given up to be here, she knows how much I love this place, this life I am building for myself, and how much I want to be here, which makes what she has done ten times worse. On the other hand, I can also understand her point of view, the gay panic - as Rachel would call it - and this inexplicable need to punish a person that makes you feel something you don't want to feel. So I'll probably cut her some slacks, also considering I didn't get fired, but I won't back down in this confrontation, not until she admits why she did what she did.

Finally, the clock on my dashboard strikes nine-thirty, and I start seeing my colleagues exiting the school. They all say goodbye to each other, until Rory is the only one left, as she's still finishing her cigarette. This is even more perfect than I expected, since I won't have to convince her to stay until everyone's gone and we can talk.

She puts the cigarette out and starts walking to her car, so I get out of mine and approach her.

"So, I guess you acted like a colossal bitch for nothing. Your little plan didn't work, I didn't get fired."

She's clearly startled, but as soon as she realizes it's my voice she's heard, she regains her composure.

"What are you talking about?" she asks, once again without looking at me.

"This is the second time you've acted dumb in one day, Rory. Drop the act, I know you're not stupid. You know exactly what you've done. And you know, I actually have two theories on why you're doing this. The first one is that you're a pathetic, miserable person who is so insecure, so desperate for approval that she needs a pat on the back from her boss for being a good little snitch. But here's the thing: I know you by now, and you're way too smart for something like this. Which leaves me with the second theory: you are trying to somehow punish me, for making you feel things you don't want to feel... and you hate me for that, because it's way easier than hating yourself."

"Really?" she stresses the letters in the word and her accent sounds funnier than usual. Too bad I don't feel like laughing right now. "And what would you make me feel?"

"Well, for once, lust."

She turns around to put her bag on the backseat of the car, and I know, I just know she's doing it just so she doesn't have to look me in the eyes while she's lying to me, just like she did this morning.

"Yeah, right. You really think that I'm lusting over you?"

I roll my eyes. "I don't think, Rory. I know you are. You don't want to, but you can't help yourself. You're curious, and scared as fuck because you're a control freak and you've never felt anything like this in your life. All my stories on having sex in public places, my BDSM experiences, that four-hour-long love-making session that you pretended would bore you to death... they all made you feel tingly inside because you've never found someone who fucked you properly, you've never really enjoyed the poor, pathetic sex you've had, and the idea of being so close to someone who could make you see the stars just by using her fingertips sets your entire body on fire. But you'll never admit that, because it would mean going out of your comfort zone, it would mean relinquishing that control you're so attached to. It would mean admitting that everything you've ever known is wrong. And you hate yourself for this, so you take it out on me."