So it goes [Breakable Heaven #1]

17. I have sinned, too

December rolls around in the blink of an eye. Christmas decorations start to appear everywhere in town, and the school makes no exception.

Christmas has always given me mixed feelings: since I've grown up without a real family, it used to be just another reminder of everything that I didn't have and always wanted. Sure, there had been a few years when I was placed with a nice family and enjoyed the celebration, but it was never the happiest time of the year for me.

Then Lilian came along and changed everything. With her, I finally started to understand what it meant to spend the holidays with someone who loved me, and I began to enjoy Christmas, to get excited about decorating the house, buying presents, putting together a menu for the family dinner. A real Christmas with a real family, everything that I had always wanted but had never had.

And now I'm back to square one: abandoned, alone, about to spend the holidays with a family - Jean's family, specifically - that I don't belong to, that has only taken me in because I'm the human equivalent of a stray cat out in the rain. Jean scolds me when she hears me talking like that, swearing that her family is really happy to have me over for Christmas, that it's not just pity, but that doesn't change the fact that, for the first time in eight years, I won't be surrounded by the love of my family, the one I had chosen for me; for the first time in eight years I will once again be the guest in someone else's home, to someone else's celebration.

For this reason, I am a little reluctant to decorate the apartment, but it's technically Jean's home, so what she says goes, and she has plenty of festive spirit, so I put aside my gloomy, party-popping mood and I help her with the tree, and I start taking bets on how long it will last before the cat takes it down.

Little Buddha has finally come live with me, even though his new name is Sirius. It took me such a long time to find him a name that I had almost thought about continuing calling him "Cat", just like the one from "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Then one day I was watching Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix with Jean and once Harry called Sirius's name, the cat gave me the faintest meow I've heard in my life - the only one I've heard coming from his mouth, almost as if he was answering a call, so I decided that was going to be his name.

Sirius is adapting really well to his new life: as the volunteer at the shelter told me, he's quiet and a little lazy, and really affectionate. He sleeps next to me every night, and he doesn't make any mess whatsoever. Jean loves him, too, and she has started calling herself Aunty J.

I have to say, Rory has indeed given me the greatest gift of all: Sirius is a great comfort for me, and since I got him I've been feeling better and better. I'm kind of sad at the thought of leaving him for two weeks over the holidays. Rory will take care of him while I'm gone, as this year she won't go either to Cambridge or to Italy for Christmas, but it will be her family joining her and her paternal relatives in Seville.

On the last day of work before the holidays, the entire staff of the school is scheduled to attend a Murder Mystery dinner. It has been the director's idea, and while it doesn't exactly scream Christmas spirit, it is supposed to be a great and fun team building activity, or so the director claims. I am ok with that, as I've always enjoyed Murder Mysteries. Lilian and I had attended a few of them back in Los Angeles, and I never failed to give the right solution. I guess all that time spent watching crime shows on tv counts for something.

Jean and I are the first ones at the restaurant, which is really surprising, since we are always late for everything. Well, actually, we both usually leave the apartment late, but then we somehow always manage to get to our destination on time. Some people say it's because we actually exaggerate how late we are; Rachel is almost one hundred percent sure my car is a Tardis, but I think it has more to do with the fact that Jean and I both drive like psychopaths.