Walking Away

Sleep.

Raven

I sat at the computer, contemplating death by word document. And wondering why I hadn't thought about this earlier.

Mom usually proofread my writing. But now she isn't here. And I can't do it by myself. Everything seems right to me, but I know it's not. Because I had misspelled my name.

Yeah, that's right. It's the first thing I'd noticed when I pulled it out at school a couple days ago, before I was going to hand it to Johnathan. Which obviously wasn't a normal mistake. But after going through it all weekend, I had still only caught a couple of problems. I glanced out the window, surprised to find that it was dark out. I'd lost track of time.

This was the kind of thing that got me picked on at my old school. No one wanted to talk to the stupid, talkative kid in the back row. So I couldn't hand it over to Johnathan, though I know he'd probably make it a million times better. I closed the computer, realizing that at some point the music had stopped playing. It was quiet, giving my dad's voice a chance to ring through my head.

What kind of kid doesn't know how to spell by 9th grade? Are you really that stupid? I flinched, remembering how he'd ripped up the paper. Don't you ever ask me to read anything you wrote again, he'd said. And I never did.

He had been harsh, but not as harsh as the teachers. The other students. 'If you can read, you can write.' The teachers all thought I was lazy or dramatic. Sometimes both.

It doesn't matter, though. New school, new teachers, new kids. I turned the music back on and visualized getting a good grade, like my uncle had shown me. And then realized he could probably help me now, too. And not just through some mind trick.

I opened the computer back up, emailing him the essay with a short explanation. He answered me eleven and a half minutes later, saying he was on it.

Thank the gods above for giving me my uncle.

***

"Raven?" Someone shook my shoulder. "Raven, sweetheart, wake up."

I opened my eyes, lifting my head up off the table. "Hmm?"

Mom stood in front of me, dressed for bed. But there was sunlight everywhere, which meant - oh. "What time is it?" I asked, adrenaline suddenly present and thoroughly waking me up.

"You missed the bus." Mom replied. "I'll drive you today. Eat something." She handed me an orange. I think it's an orange, at least.

I took it and started peeling, heading to the stairs. I needed to change, brush my hair, teeth, find my shoes, review the essay if Uncle Ben even sent it back. I tripped, sleep deprivation further depleting my balance, and caught myself on the wall. I think I dropped the orange. My head spun, and the day hasn't even begun.

But it's okay. Mom's driving me, Uncle Ben has never taken more than an hour to send an essay back, and the day can still be whatever I make it.  Plus, the casual look can be cute. Or at least I'm hoping I look casual and not, you know, crazed like some idiot girl who missed the bus.

I rushed through my routine, meeting Mom at the car and sort of reviewing the essay on the way to the school. Somewhere along the way to the school the adrenaline began to fade, and then I was just tired. And finally made it to homeroom just before the bell, sliding into my seat the way Johnathan had done last week.

"Raven?" Mark's voice. I opened my eyes back up. I don't remember closing them. How late did I stay up last night?

"Yeah?"

"Everything okay? We missed you this morning."

Right. I felt a wave of guilt as I realized I had basically stood them up. "Yeah. I'm-" I stopped, wanting to apologize but not quite able to go through with it. Apologizing meant giving someone else an opportunity to blame you. "I'm just tired. I fell asleep doing homework and missed the bus. I didn't mean to mess up your morning."

Of course Mark had a smile. "You didn't at all. I'm just happy you're here."

A sound rang through the room, and Mark stood up. He grabbed his bag, turning to wave to me and Johnathan. "See you later."

I echoed it back as he left, sort of confused. Where is he going?

"Raven?" Johnathan was standing, too. What was going on here? Why were they all leaving me? The question caused a chain reaction, sending a wave of pain through me and bringing up memories I'd rather not visit.

"Raven." Johnathan again. I thought he was leaving. "That was the bell. Come on."

Oh. The bell. That made sense. It took a minute for my brain to catch up.

"Raven, please, I can't be late. I can't." Johnathan sounded a little panicked now. I nodded, standing up.

Apparently I was moving too slow for him. "Come on." He slung my backpack over his shoulder and grabbed my hand, pulling me along.

I sort of stumbled along until we were inside another classroom. And then I was in another desk.

Huh. Funny how he rushed so much just to sit in another desk. I would have laughed if I wasn't falling asleep.

I rested my head against the desk, closing my eyes again. Sleep. Nothing else matters. Nothing.

"Raven. Raven. Answer me." Someone put a hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

I didn't open my eyes. "Nothing. Need sleep." Complete sentences were too much work.

The hand on my shoulder disappeared. I didn't really care. Then it was back, and so was Johnathan.

"I need you to wake up for just a minute. Then you can sleep." I ignored him. I could sleep now. If he would let me.

"Raven. Please?" He sounded so convincing, like this one thing was the only thing that he needed. And he said please. Reluctantly I lifted my head. 

"Thank you." He said quickly, pulling me up out of my seat and leading me out of the room. He had taken my hand again. 

I stumbled after him, the breeze waking me up a little more. A little. But then we entered another building, and the breeze was gone. I heard Johnathan talking some more, and then he led me to a bench. I sat down, leaning back. But there was no back to the bench, and for a second I felt like I was falling. Someone gently laid me back, and then I gave up on the whole consciousness thing.