Out of reasons (Boy × Boy) ✔

Chapter Ten

In the morning I had to fight against the urge to stay in bed, but eventually I forced myself to get up. The flat was empty and even if I didn't completely dislike Kuisma anymore, I did cherish those rare moments of solitude. I got dressed, made myself a big cup of coffee and a bowl of cereals. I ate, still so tired it was mostly automatic.

By the time I was done it was clear I wouldn't make it on time for the class. I left the flat in a hurry and almost forgot my bag and keys. Despite all my effort, I still didn't make it on time. Luckily the teacher didn't mind, so I just apologized and sneaked to the back row where Joakim and the others were.

I didn't pay attention to them at first, and I tried my best to catch what I had missed from the lecture. When I glimpsed at Joakim, I felt like my heart sank to my stomach. He probably noticed the shock in my eyes, because before I got to say anything out loud, he placed his palm over my mouth and hushed.

"Not now. I'll explain later, I promise", Joakim whispered and let his hand drop from my mouth to his lap. So I said nothing, but you didn't have to be a genius to put the pieces together. Yesterday I had treated Kuisma's bruises and today Joakim looked like someone had smacked his face into a brick wall.

I didn't know what to think. Should I be angry? And if I were, to whom? I wanted to grab Joakim by his shoulders and shake him. I wanted to know what the fuck was going on. I was too shaken to think clearly, so instead I only stared in front of me without seeing anything and pressed my lips into a firm line.

After what felt like an eternity the morning class was over and it was lunch time. I had no idea what the teacher had said and I definitely wasn't hungry. I tucked my pen and notebook into my bag and after that I got up. I didn't say anything to Joakim, because I had no idea what would come out if I did.

"Wait! Let's go somewhere quiet", Joakim insisted and grabbed my wrist. Then he dragged me to the dormitory and straight into his flat. Joakim leaned against the door so I couldn't leave.

"Promise me you won't leave as soon as I move from this door", Joakim pleaded. I stared into his pale blue eyes and nodded slowly. He then gently pushed me into his room and I sat on his bed. Joakim shut the door behind him and sat next to me.

"This looks bad, but.." His voice trailed off, like he didn't actually know how to explain it.

"I thought you barely know Kuisma, so why on Earth were you fighting?" I demanded when it seemed like Joakim wasn't going to continue.

"I know he's you roommate and that you have to live with him, so I didn't want you to know about this.. but I think he has a problem with you and me", Joakim started and paused for a moment. "Actually he has a problem with all the gay people. I didn't want to fight with him, but I had to defend myself. He came to me like a rabid dog and I did nothing to provoke him. I swear."

"Are you sure he hates people like us?" I asked and a part of me wanted to add: because I don't think does. I wasn't sure why I felt that way, because Kuisma had given me plenty of reasons to think he did. Something about all this just didn't feel right.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't think he's a good guy", Joakim sighed. His eyes were fixed on mine, and I wasn't sure what he would find there. Sadness? Disappointment? Anger? Or disbelief?

"This won't happen again", Joakim was almost pleading.

"Okay", I said quietly and lowered my gaze. I wanted to believe him, because I cared about him and I didn't see any reason why he would lie about something like that. Joakim placed his hands on my cheeks and lifted my chin so he could look at me in the eyes.

"Okay", he said and pulled me closer. Then I felt his lips on mine.

We didn't go back to the classes, instead we lied on Joakim's bed, kissing and cuddling. I felt warm and secure in his arms. His scent, a mixture of lemon soap and deodorant, was already so familiar to me that it alone was enough to calm my racing mind.