Out of reasons (Boy × Boy) ✔

Chapter Twenty-six

It had been over twenty minutes since Kuisma had ran after his parents. I had said quick goodbyes to Fareed. Then I had walked to the flat and paced around the bedroom restlessly.

I kept thinking about how Kuisma's parents would take the news about their son being gay. And that even if they were okay with, I would have given them an unforgettable first impression.

I also thought about the day my dad found out I liked men. How he hadn't yelled, he just glared at me with resentment in his eyes. How he didn't even let me get my belongings before shoving me out of the door and saying I was never stepping in that house again.

I was 16 years old, had no cell phone, jacket or even shoes with me and it was midnight. Luckily it wasn't winter, but I was cold anyway. I had to walk five kilometers barefeet in the middle of the night to Copa and Paju's home hoping they would let me stay the night. They did and I lived there until I found myself an apartment to move in.

I didn't see my dad after that. He never contacted me and he told everyone he didn't have a son. Lina helped me to sneak in the House to get my belongings a few days later, but after that I kept my distance. Even after his death, when he left the house for me.

All I could hope for was Kuisma wouldn't have to go through the same I did. I also hoped he would be back soon, because the waiting was driving me crazy.

Maybe Kuisma would walk in and say the kiss was a terrible mistake. Maybe he'd walk out and never come back. I felt panic rising inside me and I shook it off, because I needed to stay calm for Kuisma.

It took about ten more minutes before he finally came back. I was definitely on the verge of a panic attack, but I took deep breaths and did everything to keep the symptoms from getting worse.

"How did it go?" I asked him cautiously. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know, but I had to.

"Well, they apparently didn't see it coming", Kuisma sighed while taking off his shoes. My heart was throbbing and I wanted to rush him to continue, but I kept my mouth shut and waited.

"They were cool with it", Kuisma said and a smile spread on his lips slowly.

"Really?" I could feel how the squeezing sensation in my chest eased.

"They just wanted to know if you make me happy and when I said yes, they said they were happy for me", Kuisma answered smiling even more widely.

"Do I make you happy?"

"Isn't that a no-brainer?" We kissed again. The more I got to feel his lips on mine, the more I thought I would die if I couldn't do it again. I had never felt like that with Joakim.

Later that evening I was laying on Kuisma's bed next to him. This time I didn't see nightmares, I just crawled there so I could be near him.

"I can't believe I finally get to be like this with you", Kuisma murmured when we had been quiet for some time, still laying comfortably in his bed.

"So why did you wait so long?" I whispered back, closing my eyes.

"I thought you would make your move once you're ready", Kuisma answered and brushed his fingertips through my hair. I smiled and nestled closer to him.

"Oh and my parents want to meet you", Kuisma whispered, but I was already falling asleep and barely internalised what he said.

***

When I opened my eyes tardily the sun was already up. I was lying on the bed, under a thick blanket, alone. So at first I thought I had only dreamed about the kisses and falling asleep in his embrace.