Out of reasons (Boy × Boy) ✔

Chapter Eighteen

"SURPRISE!" A surprise birthday party was the last thing I wanted right then, and I hope that wasn't written all over my face. Fortunately there were just three participant waiting for me inside the house.

Lina was wearing a long yellow dress, looking as radiant as ever. Next to him stood a good-looking guy, who I didn't know. Then there was Iiro, a friend of mine from high school.

"Happy birthday!" Lina rushed across the room and hugged me tightly. The sweet scent of her vanilla fragrance was so familiar I was afraid I would start crying in front of everyone.

"Happy birthday. I'm Ilari", the good-looking guy I didn't know introduced himself and I returned the favor, even though he probably already knew who I was, since he was there celebrating my birthday.

***

The music wasn't too loud and we could talk without having to yell. I knew all these people, who had gone through a lot of trouble just to make the evening happen. So of course I was going to "hang in there". If not for me, for the others.

It's easier to get in a party mood when you're drinking, that much I knew for sure. I wasn't planning to drink a lot though. The first time of getting wasted had given me a memorable lesson: bad shit happens when you're drunk.

Fortunately, this party wasn't like the last one, which had been crowded and noisy. I could just grab a drink and fortify an armchair. We played Cards Against Humanity and talked composedly.

I didn't feel compeletely safe, like I never did these days, but I didn't feel the need to run to Copa's room. Lina was talking with Paju and Ilari was explaining something to Copa. The last two were sharing lenghty and meaningful glances. It was more than clear they were into each other.

I was talking with Iiro, but the conversation wasn't exactly flowing. Maybe it was because I was tired, maybe I just didn't know how to talk to people anymore or maybe we just hadn't seen each other in a long time.

It was nice to hear how he was doing anyway. He had a girlfriend, two cats and he was working at his mom's company. Whereas all I could tell him was that I was doing fine and studying art in the countryside.

At some point the doorbell rang, which awoke Copa from his staring competition with Ilari. I wanted to shout at his back to not let in anymore people. Instead, once the door opened, I just gaped at the person behind it.

His golden eyes looked pensive and a little lost, like he was wondering the same thing I did: what was he doing here? I stood up and walked to him.

"What is this?" I asked. You know that weird feeling of two worlds colliding when your friends from different groups meet? Like they're not supposed to know each other, because it's just too absurd? Okay, maybe that's just me.

"I invited him", Copa announced, a proud smirk on his lips.

"Happy birthday", Kuisma wished, still looking a bit lost. I felt sorry for him, so I showed him where he could find something to drink and eat. Then I slumped back to the armchair and took a big gulp from my drink.

"Now that everyone is here, let's play a game." Copa clapped his hands together to get everyone's attention.

Kuisma sat on the couch, next to Ilari, and I could tell he was out of his element. I had never asked if he liked parties, and it seemed like he didn't.

"This game is going to be awesome." Copa began enthusiastically. "It's really simple. You just need to read a question from one of these cards and answer it with the name of someone in this room."

"I'll give you an example. The first question is 'who would you rob a bank with?' and I'd say with Daniel, because he's got the brain. And then the next question is for Daniel.."

I was definitely not going to enjoy this game. There had to be some hidden agenda behind it, because I knew Copa well enough to know there always was.

"Let's start with the youngest. Who would that be?" Copa continued.

It turned out Lina was youngest, so she started by answering who had the best sense of humor. Her answer was Copa, and Copa had to answer who he would fuck and without even so much as blinking he answered Ilari. When I glanced at Kuisma, he looked horrified.

Then there were couple of rounds like that. Kuisma looked relieved when he got a mediocre question, "who has the best outfit?", and to my surprise he named me. I was asked who I would travel with and I answered Lina. It wasn't such a difficult game after all.

"Who's the best looking?" It was my turn again and I didn't even have to think before answering.

"Kuisma", I stated it like a fact.

"Oh, really?" Copa teased, making Kuisma's cheeks turn red.

"Well, yeah, I'm not blind", I shrugged. I had thought he was handsome when we met and I didn't like him back then, so he had to be good-looking by all standards. As I said, just like stating a fact. Although for some reason my answer made Kuisma redden even more.

"You're right, he is handsome", someone pointed out and the others nodded their heads in unison.

"Oh, shut up. What's the next question?" Kuisma asked wryly, but there was a small smirk on his lips.

That was pretty much all I have to say about the game. We continued for a while, then someone wanted to go for a smoke and by the time that someone came back everyone had already forgotten all about the game.

By that time someone had found Copa's old guitar and Ilari and Kuisma started playing it. Needless to say they were both skilled with it.

Late in the evening, when Lina, Paju and Iiro had already left, I began to feel wistful. I had had such a fun day, and now that it was nearly over, coming back to reality left me feeling hollow. I hadn't wanted to see anyone, but now that I had spent time with them, I didn't want to be left alone again.

It wasn't just that though. The party was coming to an end, I was drunk and I had a dreadful feeling that soon I'd be in a gloomy room, helpless and defenceless. I could feel his hand gripping my wrist and the roughness of his kisses.. I took a deep breath and stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I was being irrational and I needed to pull myself together.

I knew it had only been a little over a month and that I hadn't really given my brain a chance to process what had happened. So it was no wonder I felt like this every now and then.

But not now, I told myself and opened the bathroom door. I found Ilari first, but he was on the phone and I continued walking towards the kitchen.

"..talk about it, but he hasn't been okay since his dad died. He's my best friend, of course I know he's not okay", Copa argued with someone in a hushed voice.

"I know, but I don't know what —", Kuisma started, but I cut him short.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"