Out of reasons (Boy × Boy) ✔

Chapter Twenty

The warmth of summer was long gone and it was getting colder day by day. November had come imperceptibly, and to my surprise I took it with open arms. Despite the gloominess, feeling the cold on my cheeks and fingers made me feel alive.

Speaking of fingers, there was nothing left to remind of the accident. I could write and draw again and I used the sketchbook as a visual journal. I drew something every day and I was making progress with my skills.

Now that my fingers were healed I was working at the library again, but only half a week, which gave me more time for school. I could manage with my half week's wage surprisingly well. That also meant I had more time to spend with Kuisma, which was a big plus, because we had become really good friends.

The biggest change was that Fareed and I were friends again. One day at school Joakim said something, making Fareed snap: "Fuck this shit, that's just too much." I guess Joakim had said something about me, and that something must not have been too kind, because after it Fareed walked to me and sat on a seat next to mine.

The next day he sat next to me again and somehow that became our thing. We didn't talk about Joakim, even though I knew leaving him behind made Fareed's life a lot harder, since he still had to live in the same flat with him. Fareed made my days at school easier and so much more fun.

I had predicted right that Copa and Ilari would start dating soon. Actually that took only a couple of weeks and they have been inseparable ever since.

That reminds me of the conversation we finished with him. It wasn't anything groundbreaking. We just talked through everything that had happened between Joakim and I, why I didn't want to report it and how we would continue living in the future. Copa made me promise to not shut him out next time something bad happened.

I was getting better, slowly but steadily. Maybe it was because I was surrounded by people who cared about me or maybe it was because I could draw again or maybe it was just time, who knows. The memory was still fresh and it still pulled me back sometimes. This dark hollow part still lived inside of me, but it wasn't as pervasive as it used to be.

Soon it was going to be Christmas and everyone was busy with the preparations. I'm not talking about baking or buying presents yet, but about the school's Christmas event. Every class had something to prepare for it: the visual art class was in charge of decorations and advertising, drama students were rehearsing a play,..

Kuisma wouldn't reveal what he was doing, but he spent a lot of time in practices, so it probably had something to do with dancing. He had to wake up early every morning, but he did it so silently I always woke up long after he had left.

The day of the first snow was a typical Thursday. I woke up 7 am and the flat was empty, went to school and worked with the decorations. Then I had lunch with Fareed and he wouldn't stop talking, so I got to laugh at his stories about some old sitcom he had started watching. After lunch we went back to our classroom and continued painting a big cardboard tree, which was a prop for the play.

As I said, it was just a typical Thursday, so I have no particular reason to write about it. It was just one of those days when nothing marvellous happens but you still think they're worth remembering.

I told you earlier that Joakim had given up with talking to me, but ever since Fareed started hanging out with me, I could constantly feel Joakim's glare on us. I didn't have to look at him to know he was staring, I just knew he was. It didn't seem to bother Fareed, so I tried my best to ignore it as well. Joakim could stare as much as he wanted, as long as he didn't try to talk to me.

We didn't quite finish painting the tree by the time our afternoon class ended, so we stayed there after everyone else had left. It was already quiet and gloomy in the hallways, when we started walking back to the dormitory.

"Look, Dan-Dan, it's snowing!" Fareed exclaimed when we were walking past a window. Despite our talk a while back, he still had about a dozen pet names for me.

When we arrived to my flat door, Fareed seemed reluctant to leave. Truthfully I was tired and just wanted to get a hot shower to warm up and get the paint stains of my skin.

"Want to come in for coffee?" I asked anyway, because if I was him I wouldn't want to hurry back to the flat either. I could only imagine what it was like to live there with Joakim now. I felt responsible for it, after all it was my fault they were fighting.

Fareed nodded and there was a relieved smile on his lips. So I let him in and called out for Kuisma to let him know that we had company.

When the coffee was ready, we gathered in the small kitchen and I gave Fareed a mug from the cabinet drier. I could see how reserved Kuisma was with Fareed, but Fareed seemed as relaxed as ever.

We didn't have cozy armchairs or any kind of lounge, so Fareed sat on my bed and I sat on a seat near the bed. Kuisma sat on his bed, looking like he wasn't sure if he should just do his own stuff or to talk with us.

"So, what is it that you're doing for the Christmas event?" Fareed solved Kuisma's problem by including him in the conversation. Kuisma looked at him, over his coffee mug, and narrowed his eyes.

"I'm going to dance", he said, almost like he thought it was a stupid thing to ask. Well, in a way it was, because apparently everyone knew everything about everyone in this town.

"That's cool. You should see the props we're doing. I still have paint everywhere", Fareed babbled.

"Uh-huh." Kuisma nodded slowly, looking rather uneasy.

"You have paint there too!" Fareed exclaimed and touched my neck. That was typical Fareed, he was casual about touching and I'm pretty sure he didn't know the concept of personal space.

"Keep your hands to yourself", Kuisma warned, a weird look in his eyes. Fareed stared back at him, while I sat glued to my spot, feeling perplexed.

"You're still on trial period, so you should really do your best to behave", Kuisma explained, staring hard at Fareed.

"Why? What have I done?" Fareed asked, furrowing his brows, and I was sure they were about to start fighting.

"You know why", Kuisma answered and continued staring at Fareed. It was dead silent and I looked Fareed and Kuisma in turns like I was watching a tennis match.

Then they started laughing and I didn't know if I should be relieved or even more confused. First it was an uneasy laugh, but gradually it turned to a relaxed warm laughter. I honestly had no idea what was going on, so I just kept staring at them until the laughter died down.

"Fine, but I was serious about the touching part. Are we clear?" Kuisma said. His expression was a strange mixture of amusement and solemnness.

"I won't promise anything, but I hear you, so truce?" A sly grin grin spread on Fareed's face.

"You're both so weird", I muttered, but it was nice to see them, my only friends in this town, getting along so well.