[✔] ROOMMATE FOR HIRE ── chanlix

einundzwanzig.

He swore up and down that his father was sending both he and Chan glances after what had happened- quite literally -right in front of his salad.

Feix had felt no remorse for having shown his dad that he wasn't the slightest bit interested in Olivia's friend. He really didn't. He was just a bit shaken because of what Chan did to get that point across.

Even if he didn't really mean what he did, Felix just felt as though it was.

Though, regardless, that embarrassment was flushed away the moment he was nudged and told to come clean about his lying about changing his major. Or, well, lack of clarity on the matter.

His father had sighed in disappointment upon hearing that Felix was still taking art classes and was still trying to sell his art, as well as still trying to finish writing a novel. Claiming that they were meant to be nothing more than side hobbies.

To be real, Felix would have much preferred having to sit through dinner with a boner than have to sit through dinner with his father bashing the life out of the one thing that was actually worth waking up for in the morning.

Unless you counted coffee.

Though, he couldn't just kick his family out of his apartment: that would sit on a long record of things that his father and mother would have to tell all of his other distant relatives about.

So, to put it simply, their dinner was a complete disaster. His father was pressing his career choice, his mother wasn't trying to interfere. Olivia and Jinsoul were the only ones who weren't throwing Felix's head into a whirlpool of emotions in that moment.

For a moment, Felix just wanted it all to stop- to pause. At least so he could stop feeling so much disappointment in himself, rage with his father and unwarranted emotions for Chan.

And with that rage because of his father, was the rage against himself for feeling anything for Chan that wasn't remotely negative.

Once his parents left, Olivia and Jinsoul trailing behind them with their hands held together by the pinkies, Felix couldn't hold in the breath that he had trapped in his chest.

He was glad that they were finally gone: it gave him time to begin evaluating his entire life choices right there beside the door of the apartment.

Inhaling deeply, Felix then leaned forward and dropped his head against the door, only to raise himself off of it, and drop his forehead against it. Again. And then again. And then for a fourth time. He nearly did it a fifth time- but instead of colliding with the white painted wood, his forehead hit something softer.

Felix opened his eyes and gazed at what he had just hit, eyebrows raising as he pushed himself away from the door and looked over at Chan.

"Are you okay?"

The blond swallowed thickly, and then inhaled. Was he okay? He didn't know how to answer that without lying: sincerely.

But there was no reason to tell him the truth. But at the same time, there was no reason for him to lie about it, either.

Felix shrugged his shoulders in response instead. That way he wasn't lying, though he wasn't particularly telling the truth, either.

"Do you, perhaps, want to talk about it?"

He opened his mouth to send a snarky remark in his direction, about how it was none of his business how he felt. Instead of speaking, he snapped his mouth closed and turned his eyes away.

Chan took a small step forward, gently grabbing Felix's shoulder with his hand. "I know you don't like me-"

"It's not that I don't like you." Fuck. Felix lightly bit down on the inside of his cheek. "I'm just- I-I-I-I'm just..."

Jealous.

Felix swallowed the saliva that was pooling in his mouth, and then shook his head as he lightly shrugged Chan's hand away from his shoulder.

He didn't know what to say at that point, having lost the words in the forest that was his very, very thick thoughts.

Chan swung his hands lightly, and then tucked them into the pocket of the jeans he had been wearing. "You know I'm not going to judge you, right?"

He then sucked in a breath, and then exhaled deeply as he looked right into Chan's eyes. "I really, really used to not like you. And I didn't have a reason. Now I just... you're not awful and that made me realize that I'm not that great a person, either."

"Felix..."

"You're just so... perfect, Chan, that I didn't want to like you. Everyone likes you. I didn't want to be on that bandwagon," He said softly, just barely above a whisper as he clenched his jaw. "But I don't, not like you. I do, like you. At least, I do. I'd like to think. I just- arg!" Felix's hands shot to his hair, and he tugged at it with his fists. "I hate that you're everything I can't be."

Chan's entire body tensed at his word, and Felix just looked down at the ground.

"I'm so sick and tired of hearing how perfect you are. How perfect you look. Hearing about how great you sound, how great you act and treat people. I'm just so- so-" Felix turned away again, this time turning his body with him. "I'm sick of it! I have my own two eyes, I have my own two ears. God, I have hands, if I wanted to I could just reach up and touch your hair just like this."

With those words, Felix stood on his toes and placed his hand flat on top of Chan's head, before he combed it through his hair and took it back towards his own body.

He let out another breath, his hands finding their way back into his own hair before he tugged on it. "I really, really don't like how perfect and how easy everything comes to you. I don't."

Felix's eyes were still turned away from Chan when the latter gently grabbed his wrists and pulled them away from his head.

"Felix, I'm far from perfect. That may be what you see, but I'm really not," Chan's voice was soft, warm, smooth, kind of like honey. "If you're jealous, then alright. It's fine. I'm not here to judge you."

Slowly, Chan let go of Felix's wrists, offering him a small smile as he took a tiny step back.

Chan's lips turned up a bit more when Felix turned his head away. "No one is perfect. But you," Chan let out a laugh, a gentle laugh. It was a small sound; and Felix knew that if he wasn't listening he wouldn't have heard it. "You are perfect."

"What do you-"

The latter shook his head, taking another step back before turning towards his room. "I'm scared that if I go on that you're going to sucker punch me in the dick. You should get some sleep. Hyunjin told me that you have dance practice tomorrow, too. I know how close your competition is. So you need the rest to practice well."

Felix's eyebrows were furrowed slightly, and he just nodded his head.

"Goodnight, Felix."

The blond, swallowed thickly, and then turned towards his own room.

"Goodnight, Chan."

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a/n || i have listened to all in 1288 [and counting] times and im about to combust spontaneously