Secrets and Lies (Sequel to Your Lying Eyes)

Secrets and Lies Chapter 8

It was almost two in the morning by the time she reached Manchester.  All the way home, she had thought of nothing but Howard and Catherine.  How happy they had both looked.  She wished she'd had the chance to talk to him properly, but in the end she just couldn't do it.  Where would she have begun?  Congratulations!  By the way, you have a son.  Sorry I didn't tell you before but I didn't realise he was yours?

Her mind was still struggling to take in everything as she walked into the house, going to the kitchen and taking a glass out of the cupboard.  She filled it to the brim with red wine, taking a large drink and filling it again.  Now that she was home, she could think about what she was going to do.

She knew was that she had to get away, put as much distance between her and Howard as she could.  She knew that he would be coming back to Manchester with the others at the end of the weekend and by that time she wanted to be as far away as she could be.  She couldn't bear the thought of him and Catherine together, or having to see them.

Her eyes filled with fresh tears as she remembered how he had asked her over and over to go with him twelve months ago.  But she had stayed with Jason because of the baby.  

"It's not right to deprive a baby of its father" she'd told him, little knowing at the time that was exactly what she was doing to Matthew by staying with Jason.  He'd been willing to bring up the new baby that she'd just found out about, as his own.  He loved her that much.  Gary had been so right.  Time would never put right the decision she had made that night.  She hoped that one day Howard would understand.  

But no one except her knew about the contents of the letter. She hadn't told a soul.  She'd almost told Gary knowing that she could trust him.  But he would be tempted to tell Howard, he was his best friend after all.  And Jason.  How would he react to the news that Matthew wasn't his?  He loved the boy so much.  She knew that it would break his heart to know that he wasn't his.  Especially since Thomas had died after the accident.

She had never suspected anything until that day in the garden and then it had hit her like a physical blow.  Maisie and Matthew looked so alike.  Since then she had spotted other similarities between them.  Certain expressions they made were so alike and at times she could see Howard so clearly in both of them.  

Her phone bleeped, showing that she had a text message.  It was from Jason.

" You are pushing your luck.  We'll talk when I get back.  J."

'Just as I thought, he's not happy with me.  What's the point in talking any more?  This is it.  I need to do what I should have done months ago."  She finished off her drink and made her way quietly to bed, being careful not to disturb Amy and the children.

Once in her room, she undressed and lay down on the bed.  Her mind was racing, sleep was impossible.  Finally she got up again and began to pack her suitcase.  As she did so, she realised she was doing exactly the same thing that Howard had done twelve months before.  She was going away to try and forget him.  To finally move her life on without him.  It looked like it had worked for him.  Last year he had told her that he couldn't bear to see her with another man, one of his friends.  Going away had been the answer.  Now she was feeling exactly the same as he had.  No wonder he had gone away.  

This thought was too much for her and she broke down again in tears.  He may have moved on but she most definitely hadn't. She was still in love with him, she knew that for sure now.  For a time, Jason she'd hoped, would be the man she could be with instead of Howard.  But it hadn't worked out like that.  He was such a good man, so loving and giving.  But it just wasn't meant to be.  He deserved to be with someone who would feel for him what she felt for Howard.