Drugs & Candy

Chapter One

Thursday November 13th 2012

I feel like fuking shit. My head is pounding, my body is domw. I shouldn't live but here I am. I don't want to live. She keeps me here. She keeps tring to get me to stop. She keeps telling me to get help but what if I don't want help? What if I can't aceot it? All I want is the high. I need it always. I need it. I beg for it more than I beg for her. I'm not in love with her. I'm in love with it. It's beatifil. It takes all of my problems away I

"Alex! WAKE THE FUCK UP!" I heard her screaming at me, hitting me in the face hard to get me up. I hate when she screams at me. I hate when she hits me, but it's the only thing that wakes me up usually.
I opened my eyes and sat up a little, taking in my surroundings. I'm in the garage, apparently.
I'm trying to remember what the hell I did that made me go into the garage.
I look down next to me and see the needle and the tourniquet.
I picked the needle up, stood up clumsily and took it to the trash. 
"I can't fucking do this anymore Alex. I can't. I can't keep searching the fucking house for you praying that you're not dead. I can't keep fucking lying to my mom and dad about your sobriety when you aren't fucking sober at all! You haven't even tried to be sober in six months! You're a fucking cracked out mess! I don't even know who you are anymore! You sure as hell are not the Alex I fell in love with. You're just a disgusting monster with his body." She glared, stomping inside.

I just stood there. She's right and I know that. Still, I want more. 
I don't want her. I want more.
I want more oxy and I want it now.
I want the high, I want to sleep.
That's not a good idea though, I have stuff to do today. 
I actually do have to work. 
I'm production sound mixer at Paramount, and I make damn good money. That's how I afford my habit so well.
I sighed, grabbed my journal and went inside.
She looked at me, her hands on the kitchen island. She was leaning over it looking not only heartbroken but angry.
"You need to get your ass to rehab or I swear to god Alex, I'm leaving you. I can't take this anymore. You're fucking lucky I didn't do it YEARS ago when this bullshit first started. It took me a fucking hour of screaming at you and smacking you to get your sorry ass up." She glared, tears from her lovely light brown eyes streaking her cheeks, her gorgeous black hair in her face. 
"Elaina come on..." I groaned, not in the mood for this conversation. I'm never in the mood for this conversation. She's threatened to leave me before. It's just words. 
Elaina pulled out a large envelope and threw it at me.
I caught it, dropping my journal in the process. I opened it up and read the first page.
"Seriously? You really got divorce papers?" I stared at her feeling lost and genuinely scared for the first time, but relieved all at once. It's not her that I really love after all. I don't think I've loved her in two years.
The second I started needing those pills, the ones that let me snort them, pop them or inject them, the pills that let me fall asleep without a worry in my mind, the pills that make me feel okay, I fell out of love with her and in love with them. They helped me more than she did after my surgeries after the accident I was in.
"Yeah Alex. Divorce papers. So get your stupid ass to rehab or I'm fucking leaving, and you can wait for someone to find you dead in here. I can't be bothered to do it anymore. Get some fucking help. I called a place. The information packet is on the counter. They'll take you tomorrow. So go. If you don't, watch how fast I make you sign these divorce papers." She walked over to me, took the envelope out of my hands and walked upstairs. I heard her moving a bunch of stuff around, opening and closing the closet door. Getting my things, from the sounds of it. That or hers. Probably mine since she's sending me away. 

I sighed, picked up my journal and sat down on the couch, looking at all of my misspelled words. I really was high. Damn. Still, I meant every word.
I flipped it open to the same page I'd clearly passed out on last night.

Friday November 14th 2012

I did it again. I woke up with the needle next to me. I didn't want to but I need it. So bad.