Drugs & Candy

Chapter Twenty One

February 10th 2014


"Jack?" I call from our room. My biggest memories are back, for the most part. Certain things are still foggy, but I've been going to longer therapy sessions which is helping. Lizzie is good at getting me to really use my mind and think. Often times, our sessions will be in places familiar to me. She'll come here, or we'll even go to the studio, we went back to that spa she took me to, and honestly that helped beyond anything. It was relaxing and I didn't feel pressured to remember anything. She'd convinced me to start an activity of some sort, since recently to de-stress, Jack had taken up going out with a couple of his coworkers and meeting their friends as well. They go watch games at the bar and they go golfing, which to me is the most boring thing ever, but he likes it so I support it. I chose to join the local baseball team, just because I like baseball. I played all throughout my childhood, I recall. I managed to get a hold of my mother and got some stories and photo albums from her and my dad, we've been talking more recently as well. 
It's mainly my short term memory now that's affected, and it's awful.
"Yeah babe?" Jack calls up from downstairs. He's getting ready to go out with his friends from work. They're off to play golf for the day, now that he can be gone all day without worrying about me potentially burning the house down.
"Do I have practice today?" I didn't write it down and lately, I have to write everything down. I'll forget if I don't. I'm like Dory from Finding Nemo at this point. Lizzie says it'll keep getting better as time goes on, but it doesn't make me any less frustrated.
I used to be great at remembering things.

Jack comes upstairs, smiling at me as I stare at the closet where my uniform hangs. "No Lex. That's tomorrow. Today is you going to just hang out with the guys on your team. I thought you guys were going to go out to the beach for the day. Jacob is picking you up?" He tries to gently remind me as the wheels turn in my head. Finally, it all clicks and he's right.
"That's right. Shit." I shake my head, "I feel like I have fucking dementia."
Jack laughs and hugs me "You're fine. It's just little things now, remember? Just write it all down. Or send me a text message as soon as you make a plan and I'll save it for you okay?" He kisses me cheek, "I have to go though, I love you, you'll be okay?" 
I nod "I got it now, I love you too. Beach. Jacob picking me up. Practice tomorrow." I repeat that in my head over and over again, smiling at him when he hugs me and kisses me goodbye.
I send a message to Jacob just in case I forget anything.

Alex: Hey man, do I need to bring anything? My brain is fucked and I can't remember what day it is let alone if I said I'd bring anything lol.

Jacob: I know, gramps. Bring sunscreen, obviously. Bring your wallet, we're going to get lunch before we go, my wife and son will be coming too, and just make sure you're in good beach clothes and bring a towel. Adam and Scott are meeting us there, we're doing volleyball. 

Alex: Cool. See you soon.

I'd only been on the team for three weeks now, but it's helped a lot, honestly. It gives me something to focus on outside of work, where some bits and pieces are still coming back to me, and it gives me time out of the house and some space between Jack and I.
It's not like he and I really even need the space so much as want it. Since my accident happened, he hasn't left my side, apart from when we decided to go do things apart from each other. He'd gotten frustrated a few times with me being unable to remember a damn thing, and I got frustrated with him for being frustrated with me. I think that if we hadn't decided to take Lizzie's advice and step away from each other a couple of days out of the week, we would've begun fighting and that's the last thing I could ever want to do. I'm finally doing better.
I'm not using drugs anymore to cope. I'm healthy. I go to therapy and enjoy it, when before I resented it. I actively seek help when I don't have sessions, I call Lizzie when I need to. I got the courage to reach out of my comfort zone and join a sports team. Me, of all people, on an actual sports team with a bunch of really athletic guys. I'm doing good, and I'd like for it to stay that way. Jack is doing great. He's got a great job now that he loves. He's got great friends through that job, and great friends outside of that job now, thanks to who he meets golfing, and the friends of his coworkers who join them during games and other outings. We're good. I'd like for it to stay that way.