Drugs & Candy

Chapter Fifteen

May 20th 2013

I'm home now. I said my goodbyes to Lizzie and scheduled an appointment for next week, May 29th. I'm really proud of myself for making that decision.
Jack is supposed to come over today. I called him the second I signed out and stopped being a patient. 

I make sure that I look fucking amazing. My hair is done just the way I like, I'm in my best, skin tight navy blue jeans, I've got a white shirt with black horizontal stripes across it and my favorite leather jacket. I look good, and I feel good. I used my own shower with all of my essentials, I used my most important hair products and my nicest cologne. I'm myself and I'm sober. 
I grin as the doorbell rings.
I open the door and smile at the beautiful man in front of me, the beautiful man that I'm finally allowed to see without it being controversial and scandalous. 
Jack smiles back at me and it's fucking radiant. He's got on clothes that aren't so god damn professional and I think I'm in love.
He's got this black Nirvana shirt, it fits him a little loosely and it's great. Tight black jeans, some Nikes. He looks amazing.
I don't let him speak, I just hug him tight. The first real, not sneaky hug that we've had and I'm cherishing it.
"Hey Alex" He smiles, hugging me back.
I move out of the way to let him in and it's like he's never been here before. To be fair, he has, but this is different and I'd like to pretend that the first time he was here never happened.
It's almost awkward at first, because all of me wants to just jump him but that's not exactly what we're here for. At least I'm not. I'm here to try this and try it right.
Still, I want to be close to him, so I take his hand and walk him to the couch.
He doesn't verbally respond, he just smiles and follows my lead.

We're on the couch cuddling, his arm around me with my head on his chest. It feels nice and safe.
"What do we do Jack? It's not like we started this thing by asking each other out on a date. We just...I don't even know how to explain how we started it. We just did." I look up at him.
He smiles down at me and kisses my head, "We just did. That's a perfect way to explain it." He sighs, "If we're going to start anything at all, I have to be really honest with you. When I gave you that note saying that we got caught, they let me go after. So. I don't work there anymore, and I'm honestly scared to death." He bites his lip, gauging my reaction and I'm sad.
I sit up and look at him, "I made you lose your job?" I hate the pitiful look on his face, because I know it's aimed at me.
"I made me lose my job, and it was worth it. I get to actually let myself feel what I feel for you. I get to explore the different wants and needs I've been dying for that I just wasn't allowed to have, that I had to push away and pretend didn't exist. It's a blessing in disguise really. Plus, Lizzie said that she's going to help me, that she supports us together." He tries to offer me a smile, but I'm not having it.
"Oh god...Jack I'm so sorry...What can I do? How can I help? I did this...I need to help." My voice is frantic, and I know how bad this can turn for me if I don't get it together. I've stressed him out enough, a panic attack isn't something I'd like to tack on.
Jack's hands are on my shoulders, trying to get my attention, "Alex." He says calmly.
I look at him, and I'm sure my face looks like I just ran over someone's cat, nervous and terrified and sad all in one emotional bundle. 
He smiles a little at me and I melt, that's not fair. 
"I'm going to be okay. I have a lot saved up, I can find a job and be fine." He's reassuring, but I'm still not reassured within myself. It's my fault.
"I need to call Lizzie." I get up and go to one of my bathrooms downstairs.
I sit on the edge of the tub and call her.
"Why didn't you tell me Jack got fired?" I ask with an urgency.
"Because Alex, it's his story to tell and I promised I'd help him. I told him he could even work in my building if all else fails. I'm not going to let him be jobless, Alex. Trust me." Lizzie's voice is so calm that I can't really help but trust her. Not like I ever distrusted her in the first place. 
I open my mouth to argue, but I just can't. "I-- Okay." I sigh.
"Okay. So I'll see you on the 29th. Remember, breathe. You're okay. He's okay. You two will work it out in a way that's good for both of you. For right now, just enjoy each other. Figure out the hard stuff later when there's actually something to be worried about. For now, there's not." 
We say our goodbyes and I take a moment to myself before I go back out there to face him. 


September 7th 2013.

Four months have gone by and Jack and I are doing great, we go on dates, we have movie nights at each other's houses. I'm working and actually able to function. I can turn and walk away whenever I see some shitty artist or manager or producer or just a cling on using or talking about using. The only thing is Jack's job situation.
I've been bugging him to let me help him with his bills, and of course he won't let me.
"I don't care that you've got so much money you could buy my entire apartment building. You're not paying my bills. I've got enough money saved. I'll figure it out." I hear Jack's annoying argument in my head as I think about it. 
Still, he doesn't have much leftover in the way of being able to pay rent.

"Jack at least stay with me. I'm not over here professing my undying love to you and begging you to marry me. I'm asking you to stay with me. Move your shit in and stay. It's not like you aren't sleeping in my bed every night anyway. Why not make it easy on yourself and have the rest of your stuff readily available?" I sigh, watching as he gives me that stupid look of his, the one that tells me that he's once again, going to tell me no.
"I'm not going to live in your massive ass house that could honest to god house a whole family including you, and not be able to pay you anything." Jack sighs at me.
I roll my eyes, "I'm well aware that your pride is telling you no, but your bank account and back rent bill is telling you yes. Listen to those instead. Stay with me, find a job you like and then you can pay me whatever you want or nothing at all. I don't care." I shrug.
Jack just stares at me for a minute, chewing his bottom lip, "Fine." He answers and I can't tell if he's bummed out, excited, irritated or relieved. Not that it matters right now. He said yes.
Our relationship has been really slow, we haven't told each other we love each other yet, but we're getting there. Honestly, this just might be the push I need to get up the courage to say the words. I think we both know it, but neither of us have plucked up the drive to say it. I think on my end it's because each time I've told someone I love them, it crashes down eventually. I think on his end, he still tries to psychoanalyze me a little, and he doesn't want to scare me away. As if he could.
Either way, we're getting there.

September 14th 2013.

"God this is fucking heavy." I complain, carrying one of Jack's boxes into my garage. 
"Sorry, it's all my gold bars." He smirks, putting a box down.
He's got the things that he needs inside my closet, on my shelves and wherever else he wants to put things. I don't mind. It's not like there isn't plenty of room.
We're sharing my room, which makes me really happy because like I told him, it's not like he doesn't sleep in my bed with me every night anyway. Very rarely did we stay at his apartment or did he sleep at his alone. 
I put the box down, walk over to him and hug him, "There. The last box." I kiss him. He smiles against my lips and kisses me back.
"It feels really good to be able to do this." He says quietly.
I lay my head on his shoulder, "It does...No hiding...No sneaking around...No feeling like we can't be doing this when we really, really want to...No addiction holding me back...We're where we're supposed to be finally. And now, I get to expect you in my bed every single night."

September 29th 2013.

"Hello?" Jack answers, it's Lizzie so he puts it on speaker.
"Hey Jack. So I know someone over at Larchmont Charter and they're looking for a student counselor...I mentioned your name and your resume. She wants to know if you'd want to apply." Lizzie says, sounding happy.
We're sitting on the couch eating ice cream and watching Legally Blonde. I pause it and his eyes light up.
"Really? Yeah I want to apply! Is it online? Do I need to go in person?" Jack's beaming and it's so cute to see.
"There's an application online on their website and an option to upload your resume, so go ahead and do that! If you get in for an interview, you'll get a call from a woman named Julie, she's the county superintendent. If you get through that interview, you'll be sent over to Sandra who's the school principal, she's the one who'd be officially hiring you and getting you all set up." We hear Lizzie shuffling through some papers, "I've got a letter of recommendation for you too that I'll send home with Alex after his session tomorrow. Sound good?" 
Jack nods before realizing that she can't see him, "yeah, oh my god thank you so much Lizzie. I can't thank you enough." He gushes.
"You're welcome, tell Alex I'll see him tomorrow."
"You're on speaker, I'll be there." I smile.
Lizzie laughs "Okay, see you then." She hangs up and Jack looks at me like he's about to cry with this huge smile on his face.
"There's something for me Lex!" He pulls me against him tightly.
I hug him back and kiss his cheek, "I know! You're totally gonna get it. Go get your computer, apply for it right now." 

Jack spends the night updating and uploading his resume to indeed.com, Linkedin, and nearly every other job site there is, just in case this school looks at those and just in case another job opportunity comes his way. He's in the process of making his Linkedin account look fancy while I cook us dinner. He's adorable just sitting on the couch cross legged with his computer on his lap. I like him best when he's like this, dressed in black sweatpants and a white tank top. His hair is a mess and he's perfect. 
He looks over at me and smiles, "What are you cooking?" He sniffs the air a little.
"Chicken primavera and bruschetta." I grin at him. I'm a good chef. He doubted that at first, but I proved him wrong time and time again. Thus far, his favorite has been the fried shredded beef tacos I made, but I'm more of an Italian food guy, so here's hoping this one beats out the tacos. 
Jack shakes his head "What happened to just like...plain spaghetti and sauce from the jar?" He smirks.
I roll my eyes, offended.
"How dare you? In this kitchen? I think not. I know you think that my job pays a ridiculous amount of money, and I agree, it does, but since I get paid the big bucks, my beautiful kitchen is going to be used for only the finest meals." I grin.
Jack laughs "Lex you literally cooked dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and pizza rolls in it for breakfast today."
I smirk, "Exactly. That's exquisite, fine dining. Dare you to find any restaurant, cheap or michelin star rated that will serve you fresh baked from the bag dinosaur nuggets and pizza rolls for breakfast." I raise my eyebrow at him.
He grins at me, "Okay you're right, Chef Alex. Sorry for doubting you." He puts his computer on the coffee table, gets up and joins me in the kitchen. He dips his finger in my sauce and tastes it, I smack his hand when he goes in for another dip, "How dare you, you get your grimy fingers out of my sauce." 
He dips his finger in again anyway, puts the sauce on my lips and kisses it off, "You were saying?" He gives me that stupid shit eating grin of his.
"Oh shut up. Go put the bread in the oven for the bruschetta. Set the timer for 15 minutes." 
Jack chuckles and does the one job I'll allow him to do, "anything else, your highness?"
I nod, "A glass of red wine, please and thanks."

Surprisingly, he's more helpful in the kitchen than I give him credit for. 
We're sitting at the table with our dinner, talking about literally nothing and everything all at once, sipping glasses of wine and thoroughly enjoying ourselves.
I couldn't ask for anything better.