Drugs & Candy

Chapter Fourteen

May 17th 2013.

Alex,

Meet me by the stairs at 9. We'll go up to my office.

Jack.

I smile at the small bit of paper and as per usual, I destroy it.
My mood is light and happy, I'm not sure if it's because I feel like a completely new person after that incredibly enlightening experience at that spa Lizzie took me to, or if it's the fact that I've been waiting to see Jack and it's finally happening, or a mixture of both. My brain can't be sure, but all the same, my brain doesn't give a damn. I'm happy, and it's a genuine happy. I don't think I've felt a true, honest happy feeling in a long time. I guess I can say that it's nice to feel again, and without the help of a drug that didn't actually make me feel at all.
Sessions with Lizzie are getting easier and easier too, and I'm able to talk about things apart from just my drug use, but I'm not quite ready to open up so personally about that part of my life. I'm here for drug therapy, not personal therapy. That comes when I see Lizzie out of the program. She's already got me signed up through my insurance as a new patient, so as soon as I'm out of here, I get to start the hellish journey of unpacking 25 years of trauma. It'll be worth it in the end though, and I know that. Any chance for me to live a life that I'm not constantly trying to escape from sounds like a life that I'd like to try out.

There's not much that I can do to look good for tonight, I don't have all of my essentials from home with me but I make do with what I've got. It's simple, but then again Jack hasn't really seemed to care about what I'm wearing. We only hooked up once, and really it was about what I wasn't wearing that interested him. He was shy about it, but I could see it on his face. I could probably meet him in a clown suit and all he'd care about is getting those clothes off of me.
That's my hope, at least. My hope is seeing his clothes off of him. He's gorgeous.
With my white t shirt, black jeans and denim jacket, I make my way to the stairs, acting like I'm just going to use the bathroom that's down the hall, like he told me to do.
I'm slow but not too slow, cautious but careful. That's actually one thing that using taught me. Don't be obvious.
I slip into the bathroom and wait a while, I look out the door carefully and make sure there isn't anyone there.
From there, I get to the stairs. I open the door to the stairwell and there he is, looking absolutely gorgeous.
"Hi." I say quietly, a smile on my face.
He takes my hands and pulls me in close, kissing me hard, yet gently all at once. Something I'm sure only he can manage to do.
He looks at me with those beautiful chocolate doe eyes and wordlessly leads me up the stairs. He looks out the window in the door for anyone, and when the coast is clear, we're in his office.
The door is locked. Blinds on the windows and door are down, the lights are off just like the things that were once on his desk.

Words aren't necessary, the way that I'm kissing his neck and he's absolutely crumbling at my touch is all the speaking that we need to do. His shirt is off in a matter of minutes, followed by mine, and we play this little game of his, mine, his, mine until we're both exactly how we want to be, naked and covered in goosebumps while simultaneously feeling hot all over.
The moans that escape his beautiful lips are musical, and their pitch changes each time I suck on a different spot on his neck. The spot right under his ear is the most sensitive, the one that gets him going.
The way his fingers run down my spine gives me chills in the best way imaginable. I don't want him to stop.
One minute, his back is up against the wall and I'm kissing down his body, his head tilted back, his back arching a bit. The next, I've got him sitting on the edge of his desk, his legs wrapped around my waist, his arms around my neck.
He tastes sweet, like cinnamon and vanilla. Cinnamon gum in his mouth, vanilla chapstick on his lips. My hands rest on his waist, holding him close to me while our tongues do a slow dance that quickly turns into a quickstep.
I swear I'm in heaven.
I pull back from our kiss so that I can kiss his neck and chest again, "Alex" He moans and it's the most gorgeous way my name has ever been said, so he says it again and I swear I'm lost in an oblivion of pure ecstasy.
He reaches back for the bottle of lube he keeps in his drawer, but no condom. That's okay. I prefer it without one, and clearly he must trust me enough to not use one. I'm clean, and I know that he'd tell me if he wasn't.