Drugs & Candy

Chapter Four

*JACK'S POV*

November 16th 2012.
Trevor, the volunteer came to get me with Alex in tow, asking about pain medications.
Alex is addicted to pain medications. I gave Trevor a look.
"What's wrong?" I asked, either one of them could answer. Alex looked like a complete mess.
"Your patient says he has a headache so I thought I'd bring him here, I don't know how the whole nursing station works." Trevor shrugged.
I smiled a little at him "You can go" I told the volunteer before turning my attention back on Alex.
"So you're feeling it now?" I asked Alex, who was slightly shaking.
He looked sick, honestly. That's just the beginning of withdrawal though. Sick, feeling like you've got the flu or a bad cold, feeling weak, muscles aching, cramping, and those symptoms are nothing compared to what's going to come next for him.
I feel awful, he's too smart and far too attractive to deserve to be in any sort of pain. He deserves the best.
Stop it, he's your patient. I cursed myself. I cannot do this. Those thoughts absolutely have to go away.

Alex glared at me, looking pretty pissed off which I completely expected. "Yeah I'm fucking feeling it. How the fuck do you expect me to be? Off my high and fucking Mary Poppins? Look can I just get something to help this fucking headache?!" He ranted at me, I had to fight back a smirk when he asked if I expected him to be Mary Poppins. I haven't heard that one before. Creative.
I raised my eyebrow, unable to hide the amusement on my face, "Sure. You know it's okay to do that. Withdrawal is a bitch." I smiled a little bit at him.
"Look, Jack I'm sorry. I don't fucking feel good. I didn't sleep at all. I have this awful headache and I spent all night crying. I could barely even write in my journal and I write in it every single day Jack." He rubbed at his temples and just closed his eyes like he was trying to compose himself, I'd have to write down that bit in his file if I keep noticing him doing that. It'll be a good question to ask him when I ask what calms him down and why it calms hims down, "Just...Please...Give me something stronger than that..." He begged, looking up at him.

I let out a quiet sigh and frowned, shaking my head a bit, "Alex, I can't give you anything stronger. You have to try to ride this out. I can't just say 'hey let's give him something almost exactly alike what he's been taking' unless you absolutely cannot beat it. Don't worry Alex, I know your history. I know how long you've been using. I know when you first got prescribed the oxycontin. I know why you got it prescribed in the first place. I also know that you doctor hopped to get more, and then based on what your wife said, I know that you know a guy who scores you with some, which for all you know is laced with any number of things like fentanyl maybe, or isn't safely made at all. I can't just hand over something and give you another thing to get addicted to. I'm sorry that you don't feel good, but you're not going to immediately feel better. There's a reason you're in here for 90 days. You need to be." I felt my heart shatter when Alex began to tear up, his eyes getting a bit red around the edges.
He quickly recovered though, wiping his eyes, "Fuck you. You don't know anything. I don't need shit." He tried to walk away from me, but I put my hand on his shoulder instead.

I got him some pain medication for his headache and walked around with him for a bit, showing him where exactly to go to get anything he needs and explaining the rules and the chart for seeing the doctor.
I took him down to breakfast too, of course I'm not allowed to eat breakfast with him all the time but he truly is good company plus he asked me to stay. How am I supposed to say no to him? I have to sort that out.
Instead of dwelling on it and overthinking the fact that I'd like to spend more time with him, I explained that I had other patients to see, I explained the rec center and how he could use his time, none of which he seemed interested in, and he absolutely hated the idea of group therapy. I could see that on his face before he even said anything.
He told me he doesn't do well in front of people, and I'm curious as to what that means.