The Kindness Of A Sunflower (h.s)

twenty nine

**TW:SEXUAL ASSAULT, ED, DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS**

big boy trigger warning

march 18th, 2016

paige

flashback

A car horn sounds from outside of my house. I look out the window to see the bright red convertible I had come to know so well sitting in my driveway waiting for me.

I check my reflection in the mirror one more time. I was dressed in a pair of loose fitted jeans with a black belt securing them around my waist. Covering my torso was a white tshirt that was slightly oversized and a black leather jacket.

I know I'm not the skinniest girl and I try not to let that define me or invade my thoughts but it's times like tonight when it does creep into my mind.

I know that when I walk into a party I am going to practically be the only one not in a skirt that barely covers my ass and a tight top that barely covers my boobs.

I don't think that my body defines my beauty but living in a world where you are constantly being told the skinnier the better doesn't help. It's nights like these where the negative thoughts creep in but are dulled slightly by Dean.

Dean.

My protector.

My love.

My safe haven.

High school was a living hell for me.

I was only a sophomore, but was already counting down the days to graduation. I didn't have many friends. Actually, I didn't have any friends.

I much preferred to sit in a corner with a book than go to a party surrounded by people who I didn't know.

I wore baggy jeans and big sweaters.

I never had the latest trends or anything like that. I was your stereotypical nerdy loner.

I liked to play piano and sing in my free time, but no one knew that. I was an outcast at my school.

One day, I was sitting in my usual spot outside in the courtyard this past fall during lunch  and Dean walked up to me. He was a senior and had a larger friend group and was overall your perfect golden boy. Everyone loved him. He was the quarterback on the football team, a straight A student, and volunteered at the animal shelter.

Literal perfection.

He walked up to me one day and just sat down.

He kept coming back and sitting with me everyday just talking to me.

We started hanging out more and more before he asked me out on a date. We then went out a few times before he kissed me. He was my first kiss. Then a few more days later he asked me officially to be his girlfriend. He would walk me to class, hold my hand in the hallway, hold me before I fell asleep, take midnight drives with me, everything. A few weeks later he told me he loved me. He had taken me ice skating and had told me under the stars and the fairy lights above us.

I loved him.

He was one of the only people I could count on no matter what. He was there for me when I had my break downs and achieved my goals. I smile at my reflection in the mirror before spraying a tiny bit of perfume on my neck and getting my phone and walking down the stairs.