i can't say i'm in love // ross lynch

chapter twenty

Ross POV

"Come on Ross! Surely there is something about Audrey you can think up." Riker yells at me in our studio garage.

"Surely there is something about Savannah you can think up" I yell back.

We are all very stressed because we are now almost a month late for our album drop and we still have 2 songs to finalise. One we haven't even started yet. Rocky has made heaps of backings, that nobody is satisfied with. I feel like we are all spiralling.

"I think that is enough for today!" Rydel yells, interjecting Riker's and I's fight, which has been going on for nearly 20 minutes.

"Alright. I have to get out. I am going to see Audrey. I just need some time away from you all."

I walk into the house to see my mum in the kitchen cleaning up.

"Hey, mum. I got to get out. This writing is stressing me out. I am going to take Audrey to dinner." I grab my keys and jacket.

"Alright honey. Keep me updated."

I drive out of the road and head towards Audrey's. She means the world to me and she is going to be the the only thing that will be able to get my mind off of everything.

"Hey, Ross!" I hear her voice echo through Bluetooth.

"Hey! You up for a McDonalds' run?" I ask as I approach her road.

"You know it!"

"Alright, I will be outside of your house is 2 seconds." I hang up the phone and as I approach her house, I see her walk out.

I pull up on the road and roll my window down. As she walks down the pathway. She is wearing a cozy cream sweater set and converse. She is adorable. She looks like a little teddy bear that I want to cuddle up with at night.

"Need a ride?" I smirk leaning out of the car.

"Actually I am waiting for my boyfriend. He is about a foot taller than me. Blonde hair. Kinda like a classic white boy." She plays along leaning down on the car.

"Luckily I tick all those boxes."

She giggles and gets into the passenger seat and leaning over the console.

"Hey." She whispers and we kiss softly. "How was today?" She pulls away and buckles her seatbelt.

I start the car and head in the direction of the nearest Mcdonalds.

"The worst. We just can't get the last song. I feel like it is useless." I groan.

"Aweee it's okay. You will definitely get the song. It just takes time." She grabs one of my hands from the steering wheel, which I didn't realise was gripped so hard and places it in her lap.

We go through the drive-through and park in the parking lot, eating our meals. We are sitting in comfortable silence.

"You are incredible you know?" I look over at her and she finished taking a large bite from her burger. I laugh at her surprised expression.

"Where has this come from?" I can barely understand what she just said with her mouth full of food. I laugh and wipe the ketchup that is sitting on the side of her mouth.

"Does it have to come from anywhere? You just are."  I say and move closer to her, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Well so are you." She takes another bite from her burger and I just stare at her, absolutely gobsmacked by her.

"I love you." I blurt out.

I see her freeze and widen her eyes down at the floor. She takes a big gulp, swallowing all the food that was in her mouth. She turns to me and is silent. Okay, I think I messed up.

"I - I umm...I didn't mean it. Actually no I did. I just didn't know where that came from and you don't have to-"

"Ross! It's okay. I think I feel the same way I just...I don't know what love is." She trails off giggling out of nervousness.

"Don't feel pressured in any way to say it back." I assure her putting down my burger on the console and grabbing her hand.

"Ross. Listen. I don't know what love is...in like THIS way. But just know that I have never felt like this...with anybody. Everything about you is perfect. Everything about us is perfect. You have been my first everything in terms of all this. My first date. First boyfriend. The first kiss and it really has all been magical. I could say yes and tell you me too but again I don't know and in no way do I want to lie to you. I know you say it first because it's a bit easier for you but even though I know it's true...I just can't say I'm in love...right now." She looks at me nervously and I caress my thumb over the back of her hand.

"That is completely okay you know? I never want to pressure you for anything okay? I just wanted you to know because you have opened up my heart and mind and literally you have changed my whole life to colour from black and white. It seems to be an all new reality." I kiss the top of her head and look her into the eyes and kiss her nose.

"Thank you. I really do appreciate you." We kiss and I grab an opened ketchup packet and squirt it on her forehead, trying to relieve the tension. She gasps and touches her head shocked.

"I am bleeeedddinnnggg" She overdramatizes and acts like she is beginning to die. "Superman save me." I laugh and lean across to come close to her face.

"Always Princess." I kiss her lightly and I feel her kiss back with more passion than I was anticipating.

We finish eating our food and then on our car ride home we jam out to Love Story by Taylor Swift. I know. Cliché. We arrive at her house as the song ends.

"Wow. That was way too cliché for my liking." She said laughing and unbuckling her seatbelt.

"Hey! You wanted to listen to the radio and that is what came on." I laugh at her and unbuckle my seatbelt as well.

"You don't have to walk me up. It's all good." She says stopping me from taking my seatbelt off.

"Fine. Fine." I surrender my arms and buckle my seatbelt again. "Thank you for coming out again."

"It's all good. Thank you for the food." She winks and goes to get out of the car, then stops. She faces back towards me and sighs.

"Are you all good?"

"I know I have got you holding on to words that I can't say but...with everything you said earlier about the colour and heart and mind...everything you feel for me. Just know I feel the same okay?" I nod smiling and she leans over and kisses my cheek. "Bye."

She gets out and I watch her until she gets into her house then I drive away.

On my car drive home, I think about everything that just happened. I am not mad at all. I understand and to be honest the word love does not define the feelings either of us has for each other. It's just a four-letter word.

I roll up to the house, greeted by Riker and Rocky playing basketball in the driveway.

"Oi Ross! Got any inspiration for the last song?" Riker yells smirking over at me.

"Yea. Actually, yea I think I do."