Random Book Of Randomness

First Chapter Critiques

Edit 2021, September 7: Critique Giveaways are only for my followers.

Some people participated without even reading the instructions properly(eg, not even voting on the cover). I also can't go through all their followings to see if they're actually my follower or not.

So for anyone who participates in future critique giveaways, I'm not asking you to follow me, obviously. I'm just asking you not to participate if you aren't following me because I want to give back to people who've supported my stuff from the beginning. Please be understanding of this!

As promised, First chapter Critiques!

Before you begin, some stuff to know:

1. Next to headings, there will be a number. This number is the Audience Retention, and tells you how many people who read the first chapter clicked through to the next chapter (in percentage of readers). Therefore, is a measure of how successful your first chapter was in hooking the readers!

2. Internal Conflict: Desire VS Fear. I recommend every story show this in the first chapter.

3. The optimal length for chapters on Wattpad is 1000-2500 words (3-8 minutes long). All of these stories exceeded that word count, so do consider this. 

4. I'll be brutally honest, but take everything with a grain of salt. If you think my writing is bad, I recommend you don't take any of my advice, either. Also, I am a NON native in English, so I highly recommend asking a native for a second opinion on your language flow.

My Sweet Awkward Love (40%)

You started off with descriptions, the strongest part of your writing. Some of the sensory details were visceral, so great job here!

Some parts felt a little flowery, but mostly the writing was of good quality. You leaned towards more showing than telling. Vocabulary was good and the story was still very accessible.

The descriptions were vivid, but could be shorter. Also, there was some 'filler' imagery. 

The MC was realistic, imperfect and likeable. You used save the cat well to make the MC very likeable, and her loss against the bad drunken guys made her relatable as well (to me at least, since I would probably lose in a street fight-)

There was attempt at humor, and while I didn't laugh out loud, it livened the writing. (Humor is kind of hard to get right, and something I personally struggle with in my writing as well. You have to be a little gutsy and accept some people might cringe at your jokes, which is terrifying- ) 

I felt like the first chapter needed Internal Conflict, though, to have more people clicking to the next chapter.

Another thing to point out: Personally I don't like Second Person POV. I much prefer if Protagonists have their own name and identity, because the self-insert MCs always act very different from me (eg, I would probably run away screaming rather than save the cat- I'm a wimp...) But this is HIGHLY my personal preference, and I know it does not align with what you personally want to achieve from the book. And many readers enjoy the book as is, so obviously I recommend you keep doing your own thing- but since  I promised to be 100% transparent, thought I'd put it out there.

Would I click the next chapter: Well, I am reading your story, so you can guess.

If I found this book on the wild of wattpad, I think I would still click the next chapter though, because I like pretty descriptions!